


Scarred and Sinful

by theloveeyouleftbehind



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 8th year, Angst, Auror Harry, Character Redemption, Draco Malfoy x Hermione Granger, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Good Slytherins, Hermione Granger Needs a Hug, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Legilimency (Harry Potter), POV Hermione Granger, PTSD, Pining, Pining Draco Malfoy, Resorting, Ron Weasley Bashing, Sex, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Slytherin Hermione Granger, Slytherins Being Slytherins, Smut, binded minds, dramione - Freeform, in the closet pansy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:01:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25945516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theloveeyouleftbehind/pseuds/theloveeyouleftbehind
Summary: Hermione returns to Hogwarts for her final year after the war. With Harry joining the Auror's office and Ron refusing to step foot in Hogwarts, everyone expects her to return for the sole purpose of finishing her studies. Hermione has other plans. Suffering from PTSD after the war and being on the run, Hermione returns to Hogwarts hungry for the party years she was never able to have. Demanding to be re-sorted and giving up her brave and know-it-all roles, she is placed in Slytherin along with Draco Malfoy. Drunken parties and deep conversation ensue, leading to heated arguments about the war and the scars it so literally left.  A legilimency attempt goes wrong and Draco and Hermione's consciousness are bound together. Separating their minds will be no easy task, as reversing it could lead to dangerous consequences. A fic where Hermione flirts with danger and slytherins. Lots of pining and a slightly slow burn. (Updated twice weekly, also on FF.net)
Relationships: Daphne Greengrass/Pansy Parkinson, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Neville Longbottom/Ginny Weasley
Comments: 49
Kudos: 101





	1. Alone

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Harry Potter.

Hermione took the final steps that lead her into Hogwarts. Her body feeling the sensations of excitement mixed with anxiety, to the point that she struggled to tell them apart. She accepted them all the same, taking a deep and shaky breath. The castle looked similar to how it was before the war. Some walls had been rebuilt and the damage done could still be seen, but the effort to rebuild the castle was clearly seen as well. Hermione had fully realized on the train ride here, sitting in a train car with Ginny and Neville, that this would be her first year at Hogwarts alone. Of course, she did had Ginny and Neville, but as they had started dating and Ginny had no classes in common with her, Hermione would be on her own for the year. There was a certain bitter sweetness to this realization. Harry had decided that he couldn't come back to school after all that had happened. He joined the Auror's office and drowned himself in work to keep himself busy. A common coping technique Hermione was well aware of. Ron, on the other hand, had refused to return. He had been debating on returning, knowing school was never his strength and he could have any job he wanted after being a part of the golden trio. The deciding factor had been the fall out between him and Hermione. 

Hermione did not mean to break Ron's heart. It happened before she even had time to realize. It had started with their kiss in the chamber of secrets. Followed by a desperate hold on each other after the war. They were each other's security blankets, Hermione just realized this first. The kisses and sex felt more like filling time than love. It was understanding that they went through the same things, side by side, and they didn't have to explain it to each other. This sense of security and safety was enough for Ron, but Hermione realized quickly it was fleeting and unfulfilling. She had ended it two weeks before leaving for Hogwarts. Ron, in his ever so predictable fashion had lost his temper. 

“You want out Hermione? Fine, leave! Go get your books and your stupid never ending purse and haul it off to Hogwarts where you can shove your nose in your studies for the entire year. I won’t be following behind you”

She could still taste the acid that fell from his words in her mouth. She closed her eyes at the thought.

She wasn’t here to read books. She wasn’t here for top marks or to be head girl. Hermione was turning a new leaf. She was here to live out the years every other student had while she was off running after Harry and Ron and constantly saving the day. She was here to have her final year as a stupid, thoughtless teenager who didn’t have to worry about the real world. She didn’t have anyone to worry about anymore. Harry, as everyone knew, could take care of himself, Ron didn’t want her around anymore, and after what felt like millions of failed attempts, she was never able to reverse the obliviation she had done to her parents. 

Her breath caught at the thought. Alone. Nowhere to go. 

Sure, she came to have a great, carefree year, but she also had nowhere else to go. 

“Mione!” 

Hermione turned at the sound of her name. Ginny came bounding towards her with Neville in tow. She smiled.

“Are you ready to be back?” Hermione asked them. Her words echoing the excitement and anxiety she had felt when she stepped into the castle. Ginny smiled a tight lipped smile.

“As ready as we will ever be” 

Neville placed his hand on Ginny’s back, likely knowing her thoughts were on her brother Fred. Hermione smiled lovingly back at her friend. She knew there were no words to ease what she was feeling. She was glad Neville was there to comfort her. 

Neville and Ginny had become close after the war. Ginny had become frustrated with Harry, claiming he always was working and refused to deal with what had happened. Their relationship had fallen apart quickly and quietly. No screaming fights or angered words. Just over. Neville and Ginny fell into place after, just as quietly as the previous relationship ended. 

“I’m going to go get set into my dorm before dinner. I want to freshen up” Ginny said, quickly pushing a tear that had begun to fall away from her eye.

“Of course, I’ll save you a seat” Hermione said. Neville smiled appreciatively and followed Ginny down the corridor to the dorms. 

Hermione turned on her heels and began walking towards the Great Hall that was beginning to fill with students eager to find their seats. She stopped at the doorway, her hand resting on the giant wooden doors. She looked at the tables before here, recognizing some faces and not knowing others. She did notice that there were fewer students than she had ever seen within the school. She wasn’t surprised, the kids from last year, tortured by other students and carrows would likely never return. She was also not surprised to see the Slytherin table especially sparse for students. Only a handful of students, mostly within her own year, remained. She recognized Daphne Greengrass and Theodore Nott, sitting beside one another with the trademark Slytherin aloofness, making small conversation. She took a sigh of relief, thankful to not see-

“Granger”

She whipped around to see the very person on her mind. She had almost not realized it was him when she heard his voice, as it missed its usual icy tone and his face didn’t hold a cold sneer.

Draco Malfoy stood beside her, leaning casually on the opposite side of the Great Hall door. His ankles and arms crossed as if it was entirely normal for the former death eater to have returned to once again be a Hogwarts student. He was dressed in all black, besides a white shirt underneath his coat with the classic emerald green tie. His hair was swept to the side, almost too casually untidy for a Malfoy. Hermione hadn’t realized how long she had been staring at him, unsure what to say or do in this situation, before he cleared his throat.

“Enjoy the feast” he said. His tone was bored, even lacking venom, something Hermione had never heard before. His confidence must be shaken with all that has happened, she told herself, he was still the same old Malfoy, his ego just a tad smaller. 

Hermione looked away and proceeded to walk to the Gryffindor Table, saving two seats for Ginny and Neville as she had promised. She sat close to Seamus and Dean who were talking about their summers at home. She joined the conversation, quickly bombarded about the whereabouts of Harry and Ron. She forced a smile, remembering she was alone,

“They decided to go off to work,” She explained. It was enough said, as most understood why many students had decided to not return. Ginny and Neville returned just before McGonagall took to the podium.

“Welcome back everyone, we are looking forward to another year at Hogwarts. I understand a lot has happened in recent months, and I am so truly happy to see each one of you here with us today” McGonagall’s eyes scanned the crowd, and Hermione could have sworn her eyes had stopped on Malfoy while she spoke. Malfoy kept his face steady and showed no reaction to the clear appraisal of his return to Hogwarts. Hermione, surprised at such an open encounter, didn’t have much time to think about the interaction before it was time for the sorting ceremony. 

“First years will, of course, be sorted into one of the four houses” McGonagall began. 

“Ravenclaw, the house known for their intelligence and wit. Hufflepuff, known for their kindness and generosity. Slytherin, known for their ambition and cunningness..”

At the mention of Slytherin house, the Great Hall was full of whispers and glances over to the table that happened to be full of family members of death eaters. Hermione, despite knowing better, felt a pang of remorse for them. She had seen the parents and homes these students came from and it was no easy childhood. No wonder so many of them had grown up so spiteful. 

McGonagall continued despite the ongoing whispers, “And Gryffindor, the house of the brave” The Great Hall erupted once more, with talk of the golden trio and heroism. Eyes turned towards Hermione.

“I heard Harry Potter was too messed up to return to Hogwarts”

“I heard the golden trio split up”

“Why did she come back alone?”

Alone. 

The staring and the comments cut through her like glass, and suddenly she couldn’t breathe. She looked around frantically, all eyes on her, and the room began to spin. She could feel her heart racing in her chest and her body felt as though it were on fire. 

Hermione shot up from where she sat and did her best to leave the Great Hall in less than a run. She truly had no idea what she looked like, as her anxiety continued to worsen as the whispers continued.

“Her a hero? She can’t even get through the first day of school” A snotty first year commented as she made her way out of the giant wooden doors she had previously entered. She sat against the wall in the hallway, for once being thankful she was alone.

They’re right. I may have been a hero but I’m not anymore She told herself. I’m done playing the hero. No more brave stunts. No more being the know-it-all everyone depends on. 

That was when Hermione realized she needed a change. Not just leaving behind Harry and Ron, but leaving behind her old self. It was time to experience new things and new people. 

She got to her feet and turned to open the Great Hall doors. The entire hall turned to look at her, most students still questioning her departure. Hermione took a breath, her hands still shaky, but she walked towards the front of the hall until she was standing in front of the sorting hat and the new headmistress.

“Hermione Granger” McGonagall stated her name, questioning what she was doing.

“Headmistress, I want to request to be re-sorted. I am not the same person I was before the war and I want that to be taken into account for my final school year.”

McGonagall said nothing at first, and Hermione worried she had embarrassed herself in front of everyone in the Great Hall. She could imagine the shocked faces that were likely staring at her. Before she could take back her request she was met with McGonagall’s response.

“A fair request” McGonagall laid her hand out in front of her, inviting Hermione to sit on the stool to be sorted once again. For a moment Hermione felt like a first year again. Coming to the castle for the first time, not knowing what was in store for her.

She sat upon the stool, her hands clammy with nerves. Maybe she would just be sorted in Gryffindor again, the Gryffindor Princess taking her rightful seat as head of the house. She shuddered at the thought.

She didn’t want that anymore.

McGonagall placed the hat upon her head. It fit her better than first year, that was for sure. Her curls practically held the hat up alone.

“Hermione Granger…”The hat cooed, “Welcome back my dear, quite a few changes since the last time we met. The same brain and bravery I see...but what is this? Less...eagerness to prove it. I see, I see”

Hermione looked around anxiously at the Hall filled with students eagerly awaiting her placement. All eyes were on her once again, but this time she knew she needed an answer, she didn’t care what anyone had to say. She had to know. 

“We could put you into Ravenclaw...a strong mind could produce some strong work...no? I don’t see Hufflepuff in your future...not enough patience. Gryffindor would sure be sad to lose you...but I see the gears in your mind have been turning to a new path...better be SLYTHERIN”

Hermione was shocked to hear the hat throw her to the snakes. She was not the only one. Ginny had her hand covering her mouth in shock. The entirety of Gryffindor house looked at her with confused and slightly hurt faces. 

“Well Mis Granger...It will sure be an interesting year” McGonagall stated, removing the hat from her head and showing her to the Slytherin table. Hermione looked up and caught the eye of Malfoy, who looked back at her. His eyes steady once again, but Hermione could see the confusion in him as well. 

The mudblood put with the purebloods.

What a year it would be.


	2. This Side of Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I worked very hard on this chapter and I hope it shows. It was torn apart and rewritten twice. Hermione begins to find her inner Slytherin. More Draco to come next chapter!   
> Also, the chapters go along with songs that I feel remind me of Dramione or the chapter itself. The first chapter was inspired slightly by Alone by Halsey. This chapter is inspired by This side of paradise by Hayley Kiyoko or also the same song by Coyote Theory :)

Hermione knew she would be stopped on her way out of the Great Hall. She knew there would be glances, whispers, and lions baring their angry teeth. A part of her wanted to care. She wanted, she longed, for a part of her old self to rise from the depths of her mind and cry out that there was no way in hell she was going to become a Slytherin. 

But she didn’t. She couldn’t. There was only so much of the old Hermione left to disagree with her decisions.

Hermione wanted to believe she understood what she was going through. That she knew why her personality was changing so drastically and she knew what would happen at the end of all these changes. But for the first time, in a long time, Hermione Granger did not have the answer, and she was okay with it. It was a foreign feeling, not having control or being able to make sense of something with a text book. She allowed herself to sink in it. Sure, there was fear, knowing for some reason the sorting hat had seen her with Slytherin-like qualities, the house she had always despised for their prejudice notions. 

There must be a reason, she thought. Maybe she missed something. Maybe, the students in Slytherin weren’t so bad. Maybe, just maybe, they were changing too. 

“Well I know I’m not rooming with the mudblood” Pansy Parkinson hissed behind her. Hermone could see Daphne Greengrass wince at the word, matching Hermione’s own reaction.

Okay, maybe they weren’t all changing.

“Pansy, please. I just want to get through 8th year” Daphne pleaded, likely realizing Hermione had froze. Hermione saw Pansy roll her eyes and take Daphne’s hand before leading her out of the Great Hall. 

She realized she didn’t just have the Slytherins to worry about. Weasley’s were known for their tempers after all, and even if Ginny was more even headed than the rest of her family, Hermione knew she would have something to say about this. 

She took a deep breath before she rose from her dinner table to make her way out and, like clockwork, the red head appeared before her. 

“Hermione, I know this year has been hard...but Slytherin? Are you serious?” Ginny questioned. Neville rubbed the back of his head sheepishly behind her, clearly feeling awkward about the encounter. Hermione pushed her hair back in obvious frustration, but there was no use, her curls tumbled back to their original place.

“Ginny you don’t-”

“Hermione those..those death eaters tried to kill you. They’re dangerous and you're about to go and bunk with them!”

No. They were not doing this. She did her time. She paid her dues. If she wanted to be a stupid snake, she’d be a stupid goddamn snake. Her anger and annoyance only grew as people were beginning to watch the conversation unfold, eager to see how it played out among them. Hermione rolled her eyes. The rumors were sure to start soon. Gryffindor princess turned snake. Hermione smoothed her uniform beneath her in an attempt to stay calm, realizing she now wore an emerald green tie. 

“Ginny, enough” She protested.

Ginny looked at her with eyes full of astonishment before she continued,

“most of those kids didn’t fight in the war, their parents did. I know they’re dangerous, I know what they’ve done” Tortured innocent students, plotted with death eaters, She thought of Draco, Watched as I was scarred like an animal. She shuddered at the thought of Bellatrix carving into her arm, the scar on her arm beginning to feel as though it was on fire. 

She brought her attention back to Ginny.

“I can’t be the brave hero anymore” her eyes began to glisten and she became slightly more emotional than she anticipated. Quickly embarrassed, knowing people were watching their conversation, she wiped her face quickly, “I’m tired. I need to live a little. I need to figure out who I am without constantly worrying about dark wizards and losing people. I know you’re worried but I can’t be sorry about finally putting myself first...I have to do this. Slytherin or not I am still me”

Ginny looked down at her hands, and for a second Hermione wasn’t sure if she was about to lose yet another person in her life.

“Okay” Ginny muttered, giving up on the well thought out argument she had planned. Hermione met her eyes once more.

“Really?”

“Don’t push it. I may understand it to a point but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it” Ginny shook her head, “Good luck sleeping with the snakes” 

Despite the slight harshness of her words, a small comforting smile played on Ginny’s lips, letting Hermione know that she was somewhat understood.

Before Ginny had a chance to turn to leave Hermione grabbed her hand.

“Don’t tell Ron or Harry” She pleaded. Ginny looked at her and bent her head towards her friend as if accusing Hermione. Hermione knew how much she was asking from her. She knew if Ron or Harry found out Ginny had kept this secret for Hermione, she would also be blamed. Hermione also knew that Harry and Ron wouldn’t understand. Ron could turn up to Hogwarts, red in the face and yelling if he knew she was in the same dorm as Malfoy. 

She also knew this was her year at Hogwarts, not theirs, and she would be damned if their judgment ruined it for her.

“You’re going to have to tell them sooner or later” She warned. Hermione nodded in agreement but knew her friend would keep her secret. She gave a silent ‘thank you’ with her eyes and released Ginny’s hand. Ginny and Neville left the Great Hall leaving Hermione standing by the Slytherin Table. 

The room was nearly empty now, the last of the students filtering through the doors and off to find their dorms. 

“Miss Granger” a familiar voice called from the front of the hall.

“Headmistress” Hermione called back, turning around. McGonagall stood a few feet behind her, watching her with curious eyes. She gestured to the front of the hall. 

“A moment please” McGonagall asked.

The time that had passed and the stress from the war showed on McGonagall’s face, but it only made her look more wise and distinguished. She had a way of holding a stern, yet also maternal demeanor. A way to make even Hermione enjoy and fear her presence. Hermione was glad she had taken the role of Headmistress. She felt a sense of relief in knowing not everything at Hogwarts had changed. 

“I wanted to see how you were doing” The question was asked casually but Hermione could sense the heaviness of what was meant. Hermione once again attempted to tuck part of her hair behind her ear in a failed attempt to soothe her growing nerves. 

“I am...as good as one can be right now” She answered strategically. A flush of annoyance rippled through her. She didn’t want to be pitied or watched. She didn’t want to be the broken girl or the pained hero. She wanted to live her goddamn life and get on with it. 

She also realized how often, within the short span of her time spent at dinner, she had grown angry at those around her. Maybe she really did belong in Slytherin.

The frustration must have shown on her face, as the headmistress let out a small sigh. 

“Miss Granger, we both know you have gone through...extreme circumstances that most people will never experience...I just want you to know if you need to pause your studies and take a lesser case load, I would understand”

Hermione quickly met her eyes,

“That will be unnecessary,” she said, a little more forcefully than planned. Sure, she didn’t want to be the know it all but she also didn’t want to be bored all year in basic classes. The headmistress gave a slight smile, recognizing the student she remembered from before the war.

“Very well then” She replied, outstretching her hand that contained a roll of parchment that held Hermione’s class schedule. Hermione opened it and quickly looked over her courses.

Monday and Wednesday she would take Potions and Herbology. Tuesday and Thursday she would attend Defense Against the Dark Arts and Astronomy. Friday she would take Advanced Ancient Runes.

She scoffed slightly at astronomy, knowing it was put there on purpose to be a lighter course for her, but she didn’t dare argue. If she had to look at the stars for a few hours a week, and pretend that they actually did anything other than beam down on her at night, to prove she was a fully functioning person, then she would do it. 

“Miss Granger, how do you feel about being put in Slytherin? I expect it will not be the most...comforting group to be in, for you especially” The headmistress questioned. 

Hermione almost went to say she was not worried at all, but knew better than to try to outsmart her former teacher. She knew it would be difficult to face the people who belittled her for years due to her blood status. Facing Malfoy, a former death eater, everyday would be no easy task. She was just as surprised to be put in Slytherin that everyone else was. Honestly, she wasn't sure what she was expecting. For once in her life she wanted someone else to make the decision.

“I’m not sure what this year has in store for me Professor. The hat chose this house for a reason, I’m just not sure why” She answered honestly. 

“And the students you’ll be sharing your house with?”

“I won’t hex them if they don’t hex me first,” Hermione claimed. McGonagall gave a disapproving look. Hermione excused her bad joke and looked back at her professor. She knew McGonagall was referring to Malfoy. 

“I’m not overly concerned by him, I expect there will be some harsh words and awkward times... I’ve experienced worse”

Hermione could fill the sting of her scar, as if they very thought of what she went through was enough to open the wound once more. 

The headmistress accepted this answer with a small nod.

“Miss Granger, do you think people can change? In such drastic ways?” Hermione met her eyes at such a deep question. No longer knowing if it referred to Malfoy or herself.

“I don’t know”

Hermione had left the Great Hall and was venturing to the Slytherin Dorm. Luckily, it was down the hall from her old Gryffindor Dorm, and was not hard to locate. She approached a large dark wooden door that was guarded by a large painting of a snake. 

The snake was of course, large and such a dark green, it was almost black. It had bright piercing yellow eyes that would likely have scared any Hufflepuff that walked by. It eyed her up and down, as if it sensed she didn’t belong here. 

“Password” It demanded. 

Hermione, realizing she hadn’t gotten the password, looked around annoyed. She was about to demand the snake let her in, terrifying eyes or not, until she was interrupted by a smooth voice by her side.

“Prosperity”

The door opened without hesitation. 

Hermione turned to see Theodore Nott standing beside her. His hands were casually tucked into his pockets. A small smirk playing at his lips. His dark hair was slightly messy, though almost in the way where you knew he had spent an ungodly amount of time perfecting the mess. He had broad and strong shoulders, with slight freckles playing on his cheeks. 

“Hermione Granger” He said, the same smile hanging onto his lips.

“Theodore Nott” She returned. She hesitated to smile, not knowing whether his smile was friendly or antagonizing. How would this play out?

As soon as the thought entered her mind, he swept his hand across his chest, inviting her into the Slytherin common room.

“Call me Theo” He said, “welcome to your new home here at Hogwarts” He shrugged his shoulders casually, “I know it’s not your beloved Gryffindor house, but welcome to our side of paradise” He whispered beside her as he entered the room, sensing her hesitation.

Hermione was surprised at how genuine, and also suggestive, his voice appeared to sound. A pureblood wizard, flirting with her? Oh, Malfoy would have a field day with this one. She smiled softly, taking his offered hand, and stepped through the entrance. When she entered she stopped in her tracks, taken back by the common room appearance.

It was an open space with emerald green walls covered with paintings of previous wizards and dragons rivaling those from the triwizard tournament. On the far walls of the room there were large bookcases full of what looked like ancient texts. There were two large brown leather sofas facing one another towards the center of the room, surrounded by dark cherry wood furniture. A fireplace lit the room with a soft orange hue and granted a warm feel to her surroundings. Towards each side of the common room there was a winding staircase to what Hermione guessed were the dorm rooms. 

Hermione was astounded by the contrast to the Gryffindor common room. While this room was darker, it was eerily cozy...if such a description existed. 

“I am intrigued as to how you were placed in Slytherin” Theo questioned. 

Hermione, before thinking, immediately took this as Theo challenging her.

“I have just as much of a right to be here as you do” Hermione snapped back. Theo raised his hands in surrender and let out a deep chuckle. 

“You read me wrong my dear” he began, “I’m more than happy to have you in my dorm,” he winked, “just surprised as to how one of the golden trio could leave their lion’s den”

Hermione instantly relaxed, the panic she had begun to feel leaving her body once again. Theo went to sit on the large sofa. He glanced at the seat beside him, giving Hermione a silent invitation. Hermione followed suit. 

“Things have changed...I’ve changed” 

“I look forward to seeing the new Hermione Granger then” Theo replied, smiling once again. This time a small glint was in his eye that made Hermione laugh slightly. She hoped the rest of their dorm mates felt the same. 

She knew about Theo. She knew he and his family had run from the war and were considered blood traitors. It gave her a sense of solace, knowing he hadn’t been a part of it like so many others. Sure, some people viewed his family as cowards, not able to choose and side or see anything through, but she knew he hadn’t killed anyone. That was enough for now.

Before she could construct another though, Pansy Parkinson and Daphne Greengrass entered the room from the far side of the dorm. The girls met her eyes and Hermione felt herself reach for her wand in her pocket before she had even realized what she was doing. 

“Ugh, relax Granger, we’re not trying to get expelled on the first day” Pansy said, rolling her eyes and falling onto the couch sitting in front of her and Theo.

“Imagine the headline, Big Bad Death Eater Elitist Child Takes a Swing at the Gryffindor Princess” Pansy laughed to herself at the idea playing in her head, as Daphne took a seat beside her. Hermione looked sharply at Pansy.

“Hard to be Gryffindor’s princess when you’re a new found Slytherin” 

Pansy clicked her tongue, intrigued at the situation in front of her.

“All too true, Granger. Just remember your place”

Hermione glared back at the girl, but before she could counter the remark Daphne spoke.

“When are we starting this party” She asked, obviously trying to change the subject before things got out of hand.

Just as the question was asked, Blaise Zabini entered the room carrying bottles of butterbeer and fire whiskey. Hermione felt Theo nudge her. He leaned into her before he spoke, his face a few inches away from her. 

“Slytherins always celebrate the first day of a new school year” He explained in a low whisper. 

Hermione glanced around the room, taking in the students around her. Pansy lounged on the couch, hands behind her head and legs against the couch cushions. Her jet black hair cut shorter than the years before. Daphne, beside her, had long blonde hair and continued to look to Pansy for guidance on what to do and where to go next. 

Hermione saw a figure enter the room, only to realize it was Malfoy. His tie was loosened around his neck and he already had a drink in his hand. He stepped into the room gracefully, not meeting anyone’s eye and sticking to the wall as if he was prevented from joining the students in the center. Hermione turned to Theo who had been watching her, possibly to see what she would do next. 

“Fire whiskey” She said confidently, ready to see just what the Slytherins had in store for her.

Theo cheered at her response as if he had scored in quidditch. 

“NOW it's a party!” he cried. Hermione laughed at the reaction, gaining a look of annoyance from Pansy, who was now rising from the couch to follow the crowd to the drinks. 

Blaise began to pour shots for the entire room, except for Malfoy who stayed glued to the wall. The other students, including Hermione in her new emerald green robes, and live it up attitude, put their shots together into a toast.

“To new beginnings” Theo cheered.

When Hermione looked back at the blonde left out of the toast, he was raising his glass and looking straight at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed. I truly appreciate any comments and/or kudos given. Thank you!


	3. How Very Slytherin of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs that inspired this chapter:
> 
> All the kids are depressed by Jeremy Zucker and I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young
> 
> Enjoy :) more draco in this chapter

Within the time between the Great Hall feast and arriving at the Slytherin Dorm, Hermione had imagined a few ways the night could go. The typical ideas most people would have thought of:, ending up hexing one of her new roommates, being ostracized and sitting in her room alone, but never did she think she would end up where she is now. 

Music filled the Slytherin common room, the taste of fire whiskey still on her lips. She was dancing with Theo, who had a hand on her waist and his other hand holding his drink. She had changed into a short long sleeved dress that hugged her figure tightly, she charmed it to be emerald green. If she was going to be a Slytherin she may as well look the part.

Beside them were Pansy and Daphne who were hanging on to Blaise. He looked more than happy to be dancing with the pair of them. There were a couple other Slytherins in the room, drinking, dancing, or chatting aimlessly with each other. 

Although there were plenty of other people to focus on, including the one holding her close while they danced, Hermione couldn’t help but scan the room for Malfoy. It was out of innocent curiosity, she told herself. She wanted to see what the ex-death eater was doing back at Hogwarts. It was not because she was curious as to why he had greeted her so...civilly at dinner. It did not take long to find where he was in the common room.

Malfoy stood across the room by the alcohol, pouring himself another drink. Hermione was surprised he hadn’t made a comment at her presence here, she never knew a Malfoy to hold their tongue. As she watched him from across the room, she realized how much he had physically changed since the last time she had seen him. He was slender, taller than she remembered, and every move he made was graceful. His fingers, wrapped around the bottle in his hands, were long and pale. His hair was no longer worn completely pushed back, instead it was just long enough to slightly sweep it behind his ear, a small piece falling by his eyes. For all the years he tormented her, Hermione was ashamed to admit it was hard to look away from him. She immediately regretted watching him from across the room when he looked up from the table, meeting her eyes. He gave a small smirk, as if he had caught her doing something she knew she shouldn’t have. He wasn’t wrong. 

Hermione’s breath hitched at the embarrassment of being caught watching him. Even from across the room she could see his grey eyes looking into hers as she danced. She took a final glance at the dark mark peeking out of his sleeve as he reached for another drink. She wondered if he was still proud to wear it, or if it bore the same weight and shame that she felt towards her own scars. He immediately reacted by pulling down his sleeve, and now returning her look with a colder stare. 

Hermione looked away quickly. The whole interaction was beginning to leave a bad taste in her mouth. Of course, only she would find a reason to check out the person who sat back while she was attacked and then also insult him without saying a word. 

Theo grabbed her hand, taking her out of her own thoughts. 

“Come on, let's take a break for a bit” He said, leading her back to the couch they had sat on when they entered the common room. Hermione sat on the couch beside him. Theo wrapped his arm around her side of the couch.

“So, what do you think?” He asked, gesturing to the scene around them. Hermione smiled back at him.

“I’ll be honest, I didn’t think I would be having this much fun…”, She could feel the effects of the alcohol running through her system. Every moment that passed she noticed the growing redness of Theo’s cheeks, “Almost everyone doesn’t mind me being here” She joked.

“Oh Pansy,” Theo said, rubbing the back of his neck as if he had second hand embarrassment from their previous interaction, “don’t worry about her. She’s...well she’s just Pansy. She’s very loyal to those she knows, and she went through a lot this year” He said, looking down at his hands at the mention of the last year. 

Hermione nodded in response, understanding what a year can do. 

When Theo looked back at her, from under his long brown lashes, she felt something she hadn’t experienced in quite some time. His eyes were dark, clearly with certain intentions behind them. His eyes dipped to her legs, the dress she was wearing leaving very little to the imagination. Hermione, with alcohol filling her blood stream, felt like a woman. 

Of course, her and Ron had been together sexually, but it was always awkward glances and uncertainty on his part. He took more than he gave and it left Hermione feeling more like the sex was a chore than something to enjoy.

Something told her a sexual endeavour with Theo would be different. 

Theo began to open his mouth to say something but, before he could get the words out, Daphne, Pansy, and Blaise crashed into the couch in front of them. Hermione, now thinking slightly clearer without the gaze of Theo’s eyes on her, was thankful for the interruption that kept her from leaping into bed with him.

“I love the first day of school party” Daphne sighed, leaning into Pansy as if all her energy was spent on the dance floor. 

“Us Slytherins do have some fun traditions,” Blaise agreed, taking another sip of his drink. 

“Do you remember when we snuck out to Hogsmeade 3rd year? I don’t think I have ever been more terrified of McGonagall in my life after she demanded to speak to my parents” Theo said, chuckling at the memory. 

“We put our parents through some interesting times…” Pansy added, “Once I got so upset at my mother I accidentally lost control and everything in her antique China cabinet broke...I still don’t think she’s gotten over it” 

Pansy giggled at the thought, pushing herself further into Blaise as Daphne laid on her lap. 

The group continued to share childhood memories of school and home, and Hermione watched in a drunken daze. Turns out, even pureblood Slytherin had hilarious stories about sneaking around Hogwarts. Sure, it wasn’t finding the Chamber of Secrets or stealing Hippogriffs, but Hermione still nodded and laughed at their stories. 

The whole scene of her sitting with the students who had made her life living hell most of her school years felt too easy. Of course, Pansy was nowhere near her biggest fan, but as the night went on there was almost a silent agreement made between them to be civil.

One by one, Slytherin students made their way to their dorms. At first it was the younger students, then Blaise, then Daphne. When Theo was preparing to turn in, he met Hermione’s eyes and leaned into her.

“I think I like this new Hermione,” He whispered against her hair, that was likely at this point, a mess of curls. Hermione felt herself blush as he retreated up the stairs to the boys dorm. When she regained composure he was met with Pansy, still remaining on the couch in front of her, watching her intently. 

“I thought you’d have more to say...about the war” Pansy stated blatantly, little to no emotion in her voice.

Hermione knew she had been angry and resentful after the war. She had hatred for the students she was with now, and many who never made it out of the war or returned to Hogwarts.

Then there were the trials, and the trials made a lot of things make sense. Parents of the students she thought she knew were put on the stand, and recounted terrible things that happened within their homes. Terrible, dark things, that no one should encounter. The perfect pureblood facade these people tried to show was far from the truth. Hermione had left those trials feeling sick. No, the behaviors of these students were not excusable, but suddenly they had made a lot more sense. 

She thought back to when she had seen Pansy take the stand, still unsure if she knew Hermione had been there. Harry, Ron and herself were asked to attend all the trials for death eaters and anyone associated with them. 

___

“Ms. Parkinson” Began the auror, as Pansy sat on the stand in front of him, “your parents have openly denounced muggle born wizards, and labeled this as one of the reasons they stood behind Vol- He Who Must Not Be Named”

She could see Pansy look down at her hands and swallow hard, clearly uncomfortable.

“Do you follow these same ideologies?” The auror asked. 

Pansy began to open her mouth, shut it, then opened it to talk once more.

“I didn’t always, they...they made me”

“Can you explain how they forced you to accept this view?” The auror said, slight doubt in his voice as it was clear he believed the girl to be making up excuses. 

“When I was a kid” She began, her voice shaky. Hermione could never remember a time she saw her look so vulnerable and genuinely scared, “My first year in Hogwarts actually, I wrote my parents a letter about some new friends I had made. When I got home for Christmas, they asked me if they were...if they were mudbloods. They were. My parents used one of the unforgivable curses on me until I agreed to never associate with mudbloods again”

The court room was silent, you could have heard a pin drop if someone had tried. 

“Which unforgivable curse would that be Ms. Parkinson?” The auror asked.

“The Cruciatus Curse, Sir”  
___

Hermione brought herself back to the present, refusing to get lost in her drunken thoughts.

“We all did things we’re not proud of. No one, on either side of the war, left without their own scars” She answered, she rolled up her dress sleeve enough just so the beginning of her scar appeared. 

Pansy gasped lightly, she likely never knew it existed. She met Hermione’s eyes, Hermione stopped her before she could talk.

“I don’t want your pity, but I am your equal and I expect to be treated that way” She stated clearly. Her voice was stronger than she thought it would be. Pansy only nodded solemnly.

“Goodnight Hermione” Pansy said, rising from her seat and turning to head towards her dorm. 

Hermione closed her eyes and leaned back to the point where she was now laying on the couch. 

Fuck, She thought. A wave of emotions hit her, a mix of the alcohol and the realization that she truly was someone now completely different than who she was before the war. She just had a civil conversation with Pansy Parkinson for Godric’s sake. She held back the panic that attempted to rise to the surface. She was better than this. She could do this. 

She sat up again, quickly wiping any tears that had threatened to fall in her moment of weakness. To her surprise, she was not alone. In front of her, standing behind the opposite couch, stood Draco Malfoy. He still held a drink in his hands. On a closer look, there were slight bags, tinged blue, under his eyes, though he continued to hold a strong and confident air about him.

She met his eyes.

“You can sit, you know, I don’t bite” She teased, hoping to distract from the display of emotions she had just experienced. 

He gave a soft smirk and effortlessly made his way to sit beside her on the couch. 

There was maybe a foot between them, and Hermione realized she hadn’t been this close to him (without the intent to punch him) in her life. He sat, one leg crossed over the other, his drink hanging in his hand. His other hand draped over the side of the couch. He looked like he could belong in a magazine. 

She mentally swore at herself at the thought. 

“I was worried you might think I’d bite,” he said, before taking a sip of the amber liquid in his glass.

“I’m not scared of you Malfoy” She began, and before she could think she added, “I’m not the one who ran from a war’

The words tasted like copper on her tongue, and she instantly realized she was the instigator here, when she had been waiting for him to challenge her first. His eyes widened slightly and his body tensed.

“Would you have rather I stayed and tried to kill you?” He spat back. 

She leaned further towards him, the multiple drinks she had had leaving her boundaries and inhibitions behind,

“Is that why you ran? You didn’t want to get the blood on your hands?” It was a genuine question, said with no anger or disgust, just true curiosity. But, of course, even several drinks in, Malfoy was a Slytherin through and through and knew how to hold his composure. 

He briefly looked down at this drink before meeting her eyes again.

“Are you going to explain how the Gryffindor Princess made her way into Slytherin?” He countered.

“Very Slytherin of you to avoid my question,” She began, “You assume I know the sorting hat’s logic” She added. His eyes watched her as if he was playing a game of wizards chess and he was about to call checkmate.

“Well you are Hermione Granger, you usually do know everything” he said, his tone slightly annoyed.

She never recalled him using her first name before.

He looked at her, realizing she had hesitated to reply.

“Does weasel know?” He challenged.

“No” she groaned, remembering the conversation she would eventually need to have.She expected it to be worse than the hangover she knew she would have tomorrow.

“Tsk tsk” Malfoy began, a slight sense of approval in his eyes, “how very Slytherin of you to withhold the truth from your boyfriend”

“He’s not my boyfriend” Hermione growled. Malfoy chuckled at her response.

“I’m surprised you two lasted as long as you did,” He said, smirking behind the rim of his glass, “You need someone who can keep up with you...you seem like quite a handful” He added, his voice deepening.

Hermione may have bought into the flirting, especially after drinking as she did tonight, but this was Malfoy. She knew better. She avoided his gaze, knowing the Slytherin playboy said things like this to everyone, and was likely just trying to get under her skin. 

“Does it bother you that I was sorted into Slytherin?” Hermione asked, abruptly changing topics, and her voice quieter than the comments she had made before. Malfoy met her eyes and faltered for a second, Hermione wasn’t sure what she saw in them but she knew it was something she hadn’t seen before.

“Depends if you plan on being a giant swot like every year before” He retorted, taking a large sip and finishing his drink. Hermione rolled her eyes angrily and was about to tell Draco Malfoy to shove it, before she saw the dark mark appear once more as he reached to place the empty glass on the table before them. 

Draco noticed her reaction when she saw it, while she didn’t say anything, her body froze and she immediately looked towards the other side of the room. 

“I’m not about to get on my knees and apologize to you every time you catch a glimpse of this” He spat, pulling his sleeve up for Hermione to see the full mark in all its glory. He pulled his sleeve back down and rose to his feet after Hermione took a full look. 

“But, I will apologize for the mark that was left on you” Draco said quietly before beginning to retreat to his room,

“Goodnight, Granger” He said quickly, as if to avoid hearing her response.

Hermione said nothing, and suddenly she was alone.

So very, very, alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! I love to read any comments you have as they make my heart so happy. Thank you for all the bookmarks are Kudos as well! I am really excited about Draco and Pansy character arcs I hope to continue throughout the story.


	4. Hermione Granger is Completely, and Totally, Not Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First day of classes. Hermione struggles with scars people can't see after the war. Draco is actually kind of nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! This chapter took a bit to write as I really wanted to begin some trails within the story that will lead to things I intend to include later in the story. This chapter was going to be much longer but i've decided to split in into two chapters as I believe this leaves off in a better spot. Also, thank you for all the kudos and comments. Please leave more below as I love knowing what you are all thinking!

Hermione woke up to a slight headache and the fuzzy memories of the previous night. She had spent a majority of the night tossing and turning. She rarely got a solid night's sleep since the war. Too many nights she had spent waiting up, expecting to hear footsteps of death eaters approach the tent her and Harry were staying in. Though the war was over, she still found herself listening. She wasn’t sure what she was listening for, but she would feel an overwhelming sense of danger and worry if she didn’t listen out for something, as if she had to force herself to prepare for the danger that would likely never come. Usually, she would spend most of the night listening for anything out of the ordinary before sleep would finally overcome her. Those were the good nights. Other nights, sleep never came.

The main memory from the previous night that stuck with her was her interaction with Malfoy. They had exchanged some heated words but, surprisingly, the greater part of the conversation had been civil. Hermione couldn’t remember a time in their entire lives when they had been civil to each other. He hadn’t even called her a mudblood or muggle born. A whole conversation with a Malfoy that didn’t include talk of blood purity. Amazing.

She rose out of bed to see Pansy also getting ready within their dorm room, reminding her of the conversation they had last night as well. Yet again, surprised at the civility that filled their interaction.

What was happening this year?

Hermione decided not to look too far into the luck she was having with the Slytherins, nervous it would disappear and prove to be too good to be true. She rose quickly out of bed, realizing she was close to being late for breakfast before class. 

She dressed in a dark grey jumper, a white button up beneath, put together with the same Slytherin green tie from the night before, along with her skirt and tights. She used a smoothening charm she had learned over the summer on the mess of curls that sat atop her head, looking approvingly at herself in the mirror once her hair had been adequately controlled. Of course, the curls still tumbled down her back, but the charm kept them controlled enough to be considered charming and voluminous instead of wild and hectic.

“Green is your color” She heard Daphne say beside her. She turned to see the blond wearing a friendly smile. 

“Thanks” She said sheepishly, not sure how the Gyffindors would appreciate her new look. 

“Did you have fun last night?” Daphne asked, “Theo sure looked like he was enjoying his time with you” she added giggling.

Hermione blushed at the thought.

“He’s quite the flirt” Hermione commented, smiling at the memory of Theo’s drunken rosy cheeks.

“Yes,” Pansy said, joining the conversation with a slight laugh, “But he’s harmless, as long as Draco isn’t involved” She added.

“Why’s that?” Hermione asked, her curiosity growing despite her attempt to hide her clear interest.

“Theo ran from the war,” Pansy said simply. She quickly saw the look on Hermione’s face that she hadn’t meant to show, “you don’t understand, Granger. It’s not that he didn’t follow Vol- You Know Who. It’s that he abandoned all of us. Then he testified against Draco’s family as if he didn’t know that most of us didn’t want this life in the first place” 

Hermione remembered that trial. Theo on the stand, shaking, and Draco sitting with his parents in the front row. She also guiltily remembered the sense of justice she felt watching Lucius Malfoy be judged in front of everyone, after he had spent his whole life judging everyone else.

“Draco seemed to be fairly interested in the lifestyle put in front of him,” Hermione argued, beginning to grab her books for class. 

Hadn’t he tormented her for years by his own choice? His parents weren’t around at Hogwarts forcing him to call her a mudblood or remind her she was inferior. He did it because he enjoyed it. He was the only student here with a dark mark, none of the other Slytherins gave up their freedom to stand behind Voldemort. Why should he get a free pass?

“Draco had it worse than any of us” Pansy said aggressively, before taking a step back and meeting Hermione’s eyes again, her voice calmer now “Draco didn’t have it easy. Not many people saw what happened at Malfoy Manor”

“And you did?” Hermione asked.

“She was betrothed to Draco” Daphne added quietly, looking down at her hands.

“Not anymore, Daph,” Pansy added, looking down at the blonde girl sitting in front of her mirror before looking back at Hermione. Hermione watched the interaction between the two girls, assuming Daphne’s solemn look was due to the fear of her friend marrying into a dangerous family.

“We all did things we regret.” Pansy said sternly, reminding Hermione of their conversation last night, “But you should realize that Theo didn’t just abandon the people on the wrong side of the war, he deserted the side you fought on too”

She was right. Theo had run from evil, but he had also run from doing what was right. Though Pansy had a point, Hermione couldn’t help but struggle over the idea to forgive Malfoy for all the things he did. Especially when he wasn’t even asking for forgiveness.

___

Hermione arrived at the Great Hall for breakfast and stopped as soon as she walked through the large wooden doorway. She hadn’t thought of where she would sit, and though it may have sounded silly, it felt as if choosing between sitting with the Slytherins and her former Gyrffindors could start another war in itself.

She glanced around the hall, watching as Ginny and Neville gazed towards her, a spot across from Ginny remaining open; she knew it was for her. At the other end of the hall, Theo, Blaise, Pansy, and Daphne sat. They were laughing, likely over a story from last night that only half the table remembered. Upon further searching, she saw Draco sitting a few feet away from the previous group of Slytherins. He was leaning back against the wall, sitting at the table, biting into an apple. He was clearly lost in his own thoughts, as this time he didn’t notice her gaze. Hermione quickly looked away, not wanting him to catch her watching him again.

Hermione, looking between the two houses, began to feel a growing anxiety surrounding the choice of where to sit. Instead of deciding, she walked over to the table where a few first year Hufflepuffs sat, leaned over them to grab two slices of dry toast, and then walked out of the Great Hall. 

She just won’t make the decision. She will just be Hermione, not defined by her house. Inter House unity right? She attempted to soothe herself with her thoughts, thought she knew that abstaining from all the houses was far from inter house unity, she thought it was better than choosing one.

As she walked down the hall, a half eaten piece of toast in one hand and her advanced potions book in another, a small owl cooed above her. It released a letter into her arms and, in return, she surrendered the last bit of toast she had, the owl gratefully sweeping down to take it before flying away. 

Hermione opened the letter quickly to find it was from Ron,  
\--

Mione,

We need to talk. I miss you. I don’t like that you’re so far away and I never see you anymore. Maybe going back to school wasn’t the right choice. Meet me at the Three Broomsticks tomorrow after your classes?

Ron,

Hermione could feel her face begin to heat with anger. ‘Maybe going back to school wasn’t the right choice’? Why did he feel that he was allowed to judge her decisions as right and wrong? She knew where this was headed. She knew the signs of a ploy to get back together, as this was not the first time Ron had reached out to her. He would always start by asking to see her to ‘talk’, only to meet her and continuously try to hold her hand and remind her of memories from when they were together before Hermione would make up some excuse as to why she had to go.

She quickly stuffed the letter in her bag, not having the patience or motivation to even begin to think of what to write back. She would meet him, she thought, and she would tell him the truth, about the house switch, and that they were never getting back together. He was not her boyfriend, he had no power over her or her decisions. She would not let him make her feel terrible for doing something for herself for once. 

Hermione did not remember their relationship lovingly. Ron was jealous, immature and lazy. Hermione could barely even talk to Harry without Ron beginning to doubt her loyalty to him. Then, when Ron felt comfortable in their relationship, he would put little to no effort in. They rarely went on dates, his gifts to her for holidays were far from intimate, and the most embarrassing of all, she had never even reached peak pleasure during sex with him. She had faked it many times, when Ron looked at her exasperated from a whole 5 minutes of trying. She mentally vowed to never fake for another man again.

She entered her Potions class in an already irritable mood. She sat down at a table, students beginning to trickle in as she had arrived early after skipping breakfast. She realized, for the first time ever, she had neglected to study the assigned reading before class.

“I supposed I should sit with you, seeing as no one else will even make eye contact with me” Malfoy said, placing his books beside her on the desk and taking a seat. 

Hermione met his eyes and lightly sighed. 

“Fine” 

“Fine?” He questioned, “I expected more enthusiasm. I assumed you would be able to gaze at me lovingly from up close instead of continuing to do it from across the room”

Hermione felt the blush rise in her cheeks. 

“Malfoy, I’m not watching you in awe of your looks” She lied, her voice hard and stern, “I’m waiting for you to make one mistake, because we all know you will, so I can hex you and have the aurors take you away. I’m not the only one watching, I happen to know plenty of ministry members keeping tabs on you as well” She snapped.

She hadn’t meant to project all of her rage onto him, and though a part of her was waiting for him to prove to be the same insufferable ferret he had been before, another part hadn’t hated her brief time with him last night. 

Malfoy looked towards her with a completely blank expression, refusing to let anyone, especially her, see the effect of her words.

“I’ll just switch seats the-” He began, but he was interrupted by Professor Slughorn who had just entered, a giant smile on his face.

“Welcome! Welcome! Who you’re seated with now will be your partner in Potions for the year. No switching, complaining, or lollygagging!” 

Malfoy sat back down again, resigned in his mission. He turned to look at her.

“Partner” He said, giving her a curt nod.

Luckily, Slughorn began to teach right away, giving Hermione the perfect excuse to not reply. She had no idea what to say. Sorry I snapped at you for being a retired death eater! Sorry I can’t seem to control any of my emotions anymore since they’ve all been shattered to pieces! Sorry I can’t seem to let anyone get even remotely close to me because all I attract in my life is danger!

None of those seemed adequate or to be anything she felt like sharing with Malfoy of all people.

“Today we will be brewing a simple potion to get the year off to a good start!” Slughorn began, eyeing the students in the class. As many students hadn’t returned to Hogwarts, the class size was much smaller than those before. Hermione recognized a few Ravenclaws that were in the class, but only herself and Malfoy were there from Slytherin house. 

“Today,” Continued the professor, “We will be brewing a calming draught. The instructions can be found on page 32 of your textbook. If you have any questions you will find me at my desk”

And with that, the students were left to brew their potions. Hermione had never enjoyed Slughorn’s teachings. She found him to be hands off and never pushed his students to learn new and complex things. So, she wasn’t surprised when he left the class to their own devices. Luckily, she was confident in her potion skills and she happened to know Malfoy was quite good as well. 

Before she could open her book to see the instructions, Malfoy was already beginning to cut up the crocodile heart into small pieces.

“Do you make this often?” Hermione asked, watching as Malfoy followed the instructions perfectly without having to read them. She recalled making it once during Fourth year when Snape taught the class, though she hadn’t made it since.

“Yes, Granger” He replied in a bored tone. 

“What for?” She asked.

“That seems like an unnecessary question” He stated. Hermione watched as his slender fingers slowly picked the lavender off piece by piece from its stem. Hermione stirred the cauldron three times clockwise as he did so. 

“I’m just trying to make conversation” She grumbled back to him, his short answers beginning to wear her thin. 

“Have you noticed whenever I attempt to speak to you, you verbally attack me?” He asked, his slate grey eyes not meeting hers. Hermione looked away, torn between feeling guilty for how she had snapped at him unprovoked and feeling annoyed at his self victimization. How terrible it must be Malfoy, she thought, to be hurt by someone else’s words. 

As if sensing her internal monologue, Malfoy looked away.

“It helps me sleep,” He surrendered.

Hermione nodded slowly, wondering if it would help her as well. 

“I’ll have to try it myself then”

“You don’t sleep either?” He asked. Hermione saw a flash of curiosity in his eyes, as if he was eager to find someone with the same struggle. Hermione couldn’t deny she had felt a sense of relief at the realization that she wasn’t alone as well. 

“It's been quite difficult for me lately,” She said.

Malfoy added the lavender into the mixture as if nothing had been said. An awkward tension between them at the realization that they had something in common between them. 

Suddenly, a loud burst went off behind them. Before she knew it, Hermione’s body went into fight or flight. She whipped around her, wand suddenly in her hand, not sure how she had grabbed it so quickly and she screamed,

“Petrificus Totalus!” 

Her voice shook as she blindly hexed the space the sound had come from. 

“Granger!” Malfoy yelled, “For Godric’s sake it was just a cauldron breaking” he told her, now standing in front of her, allowing his chest to sit against her wand. He locked his eyes onto her own without fear of her wand that continued to point almost directly at his heart.

Hermione, now shaking, slowly lowered her wand. She hadn’t realized she was crying until she felt the tears drop into her arm in front of her. She surveyed the room around her to see students staring at her, whispering to the person beside them no doubt about how crazy she was acting. 

She looked back at where she had hexed, only to see a Ravenclaw student lying on the floor struggling to break free from her body binding curse.

Hermione put her hand to her mouth in shock of what she had done. Did she have any control of herself anymore? Was she dangerous? Was she even safe to be around students?

“Granger” Malfoy said sternly, his hand grabbing her arm, “What the bloody hell was that?’ He asked in disbelief.

“I-I have to go” Hermione said, grabbing her things and practically running out of the classroom. 

She wasn’t sure how far she had run from the potions classroom. It was as if she was on auto-pilot. She stopped when she found an empty bathroom and slumped against the wall. She was still crying and she could feel her body shaking.

She could have sworn she was in danger. She was so sure they were about to be attacked when she heard the explosion behind her.

But they weren’t in danger. It wasn’t an explosion. The war was over. It was a cauldron bursting. It was innocent students. 

She was the one attacking an innocent student.

Hermione stood up from the wall, wiping her tears away on to her sleeve and taking several deep breaths.

She was fine. It was a fluke thing. It wouldn’t happen again. She was completely, and totally, fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! I appreciate and Kudos/comments you want to leave as they make me oh so happy. Chapter 5 will be up soon :)


	5. The Scars You Can't See

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione comes across not-so killer trees, realizes everyone is struggling after the war, and vows to try to be somewhat nice to people who are somewhat not terrible to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I wanted to get this chapter up quickly as it is the other half of the day beginning in Chapter 4. Chapter 4 & 5 set a lot of plot and personality up for a lot of characters, but I promise more Dramione and plot lays ahead!

Hermione summoned the strength after leaving the bathroom to make it to Herbology. After all, she was fine, there was no reason to  _ not  _ go. 

When she entered the class she was thankful to see Neville with an open spot beside him. Hermione walked over and claimed it quickly.

Neville looked up at her, with a knowing glance and his eyebrows slightly raised. 

“I heard it’s been a hard day for you” he said, smiling weakly. There was a friendliness in how he spoke, preventing Hermione from getting defensive as she probably would if it had been anyone else in front of her. 

“Neville, it has truly been a day” She said sighing, before turning to meet his eyes again, “Does everyone really know?” 

“Word travels fast, especially when you’re a war hero” Neville said almost apologetically, “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine” Hermione said confidently, giving him her best smile. Neville gave her a doubtful look, but she ignored it and quickly changed the subject.

“How’s Ginny doing?” She asked. She knew Ginny likely was upset she hadn’t joined her for breakfast. Hermione, now thinking about it, likely would have been offended if the situation was reversed.

“She was hurt about breakfast,” Neville confirmed “She’s worried she won’t have you as a friend anymore. That you’ll forget about us or you’re gonna change into a different person. She tried hard to be understanding about the whole Slytherin thing, but I think she’s still struggling with it”

“Is change so bad?” She asked, meeting his eyes.

“Depends” Neville said with a small shrug “Gin is planning on practicing on the quidditch field after classes, you should go talk with her. It would probably be good for you both”

Hermione gave a tight lipped smile and nodded. 

“Welcome to Herbology everyone!” Ms. Sprout said, entering the room with a large smile on her face. 

“I am very excited to announce that since the class sizes are quite smaller this year, the Headmistress has allowed us to take on a special project” Ms. Sprout continued. Hermione could practically see the excitement radiating off of her. 

Hermione didn’t dislike Herbology, but it wasn’t her favorite either. She enjoyed the more logical studies that were based on concrete information, Something about plants that occasionally screamed at or bit you was just not appealing to her. 

“The plant we will be working with, a sapling actually, is extremely volatile, sentient, and some say it is the most intelligent tree known within the wizarding world. Does anyone have any ideas of what it is?”

Hermione saw Neville raise his hand quickly. Ms. Sprout called on him, smiling at her favorite student who was more eager to learn Herbology than anyone else.

“Will we be growing Whomping Willows?” 

“Yes! We will be raising our own Whomping Willows this year. Ten points to Gryffindor Mr. Longbottom!”

Hermione couldn’t help but gape back at her professor. Whomping Willows. Was this a joke? Was Hermione Granger destined to come into contact with everything and everyone who had wanted or actively tried to kill her? They were raising killer trees. Killer. Freaking. Trees.

“Now, as I said these saplings can be highly volatile. You must handle them with extreme care. You will be working on them in pairs, but I will warn you, these trees tend to bond with one person and no one else ever again. If your tree bonds with one of you, the other student will be in charge of collecting data. Now don’t let your pride get in the way of this, as it will only end with you being sent to the hospital wing and that simply won’t do”

Hermione turned to Neville, her look of disbelief not matching his look of excitement. She already knew she would be on note duty while Neville bonded with the killer tree all year long. 

Ms. Sprout came by their table and dropped off a sapling that couldn’t be more than a foot and a half tall. It looked similar to the Whomping Willow on the school grounds. It’s small trunk twisted in the same fashion, though this tree had fewer spindles growing from its branches. 

“Wow,” Neville began, eyeing the tree up and down, “I can’t imagine the Whomping Willow on the grounds ever being this small. It’s almost kinda cute”

Neville attempted to reach out to the tree, only to be met with the tree snapping itself forward at him. Hermione held back her laugh at the sight of Neville full of disappointment. 

“You may all begin sketching your plant and labeling the parts listed on the board” Ms. Sprout instructed. 

Hermione got to work on her drawing, before realizing that the tree had something on the opposite side. 

“Do you see the back of the tree? It looks like there’s a knot in the trunk or something. We need to turn it” She explained to Neville. 

“I’m not touching it” He said seriously, looking down at the red mark still present on his hand. Hermione sighed.

Before she could reach out to turn the tree’s pot, the tree shimmied itself around to allow her to see the unique knot on its trunk.

Hermione looked at the tree, a look of awe on her face.

“Did it just...move for you?’ Neville asked in disbelief.

“Looks like you’ll be the one taking notes this year, Neville” Hermione said, adding the knot to her drawing, a small smile playing at her lips. She needed a victory today, and turns out it ended up being the killer tree. 

She would never stop being surprised by this year. 

___

After Herbology, Hermione decided she owed Ginny a visit. She could see why she was struggling with the recent changes. It would make sense why even just being at Hogwarts was difficult for Ginny, she had lost her brother here. Hermione instantly felt guilty for the lack of awareness she had towards Ginny’s own struggles. She had been so involved with her own issues she had neglected to be there for her friend. Worst of all, after her relationship with Ron, she knew how that felt first hand. 

Hermione found it hard to figure out exactly where she stood as a person. She was changing. She didn’t want to be the person carrying around everyone’s problems but she also knew she couldn’t not care about those around her. She wanted to excel in her classes, but she didn’t want to be the brainy know-it-all. She wanted control over her life and freedom to make her own choices, but she was also tired of being the one to make the choices. She desperately wanted someone to take care of her for once. Of course, not in the knight in shining armor/damsel in distress way, but in the way she had wanted from Ron. 

She wanted someone to know her thoughts without her having to say them out loud. She wanted someone to look her in the eyes and see she had a rough day and offer to sit and talk about it. She wanted someone who let her take charge, but also knew when she needed them to step up and make decisions. She wanted nothing, and everything; someone, and no one.

Hermione hadn’t realized she had walked all the way to the Quidditch Pitch until she saw Ginny flying and practicing above her. Ginny quickly spotted her and made her way to the ground, effortlessly as always. 

“Hey” Ginny said shortly. She gave a weak smile.

“Hey Gin” Hermione began, “Look, I'm sorry about this morning. I know it’s been weird since yesterday and I’m still trying to figure all this out too. I’m doing my best and I know that’s not enough right now but I promise you I’m not going anywhere”

Ginny looked back at her, her broom still in her hand. 

“I just...I didn’t think it would be so hard to come back here, and then i didn’t think I’d be doing it without you, or Ron, or Harry. Then you all just go off into your own new world and I’m just still here. A Gryffindor, sitting in the common room where Fred used to sit with me and- Gosh Hermione it’s all just so much isn’t it?” Ginny said all in one breath, tears beginning to form in her eyes .

Hermione went over to her and led her to the stands and they both took a seat. 

“I can’t imagine how hard being here is for you” Hermione said quietly. Ginny rolled her eyes in response.

“Hermione, you fought here too. You lost people too, you lost your parents!”

Hermione winced at the reminder.

“We all went through it. We all are still working through it all”

Ginny nodded her head, looking off to the quidditch field before them as if lost in thought. Hermione did the same, remembering the days she spent cheering and shouting in the stands for Ron and Harry. She longed for the days when her biggest concern was getting to their match on time, she wished she had enjoyed those days while she had the chance.

“I heard what happened in potions today” Ginny turned to look at Hermione “Care to explain?”

“You assume I understand what happened myself” Hermione returned, looking down at her hands.

She had no idea how to explain. All she knew was the feeling of imminent danger and the need to defend herself. No gray areas, no thought process, just  _ react. _

“Harry had nightmares” Ginny said quietly, “Neville can’t go to bed without placing protective charms on all the doors and windows. Mom and dad don’t sleep in the same room anymore. They say that happens a lot, when people lose a child, the grief pushes them away from one another. Isn’t that strange?” Her voice was picking up speed, just slightly, enough for Hermione to know that she wasn’t alone in the tidal wave of emotions she was currently experiencing, “George shut down his joke shop. You know, I don’t even think he stepped foot in the damn thing since the battle. He just up and sold it one day. Gone, just like that...just like that. And Ron, oh Ron. He can’t be alone if his life depended on it. Always latching onto someone to get through the day. You know I think that’s one of the reasons he took your break up so hard. You were like his security blanket, and then he had to go find someone else to be around all the time”

Hermione remembered Ron at her side almost all the time. It was insufferable, but she felt a pang of guilt, not realizing the reason for it until now.

“I know, I know I’m rambling,” Ginny said, stopping to catch her breath. Hermione looked back at her friend and took her hand in her own.

“I have flashbacks” Hermione whispered, “It’s like I'm there, back at the battle, back in the tent with Harry. Just waiting for someone to come and find us. I can’t sleep. I can barely stomach food...We are all just giant messes” She said, feeling as though a small weight was lifted from admitting her struggles out loud, knowing she wasn’t alone.

“Do you ever look at everyone around you and wonder how they’re keeping it together?’ Ginny asked, “I’d give a galleon to know what those Slytherins are going through after the war”

Hermione gave a slight nod in agreement. She had wondered about Pansy, after remembering her trial, but she hadn’t given much thought to the others.

Ginny stood up, breaking Hermione out of her thoughts.

“I should get back to my dorm, I told Neville I’d help him on some Herbology assignment that he’s all uppity about. Who knew Neville would ever need help with plants?” Ginny said laughing.

Hermione smiled knowingly.

Hermione and Ginny went their separate ways. Hermione left feeling both lighter and heavier at the same time. Knowing she wasn’t alone provided her with some comfort, though at the same time she felt as though everyone was doomed to live like this forever. 

She didn’t feel like going back to the common room right away, not in the mood for partying or talking. Instead, she took time to walk around the lake that was on the grounds. She mentally counted her steps, hoping to avoid any creeping thoughts or thinking too hard about any sound she heard coming from the forest beyond the lake. She walked until the sun was nearly set, and then resigned to returning to her dorm, hoping most of the students had turned in for the night. 

When she arrived at the common room, she was happy to find that she was right, most students had gone into their rooms for the night. She let out a relieved sigh and made her way to the couch where she laid down. She closed her eyes, not expecting to sleep but hoping for a few minutes of quiet to allow herself to decompress for the day. Of course, she knew she was pushing her luck and the quiet was too good to be true when she heard footsteps approaching behind her. 

She shot up quickly to turn to see who it was, only to see Malfoy with his hands raised standing a few feet behind her. 

“Don’t attack” he joked. Hermione rolled her eyes, attempting to not show her embarrassment at the scene he had witnessed today. 

“I don’t want to ta-” She began before he closed the remaining distance between them and dropped a vial on to her lap. 

She looked down at the vial, containing a pale blue liquid. 

“The calming draught?”

“You said you don’t sleep” He said plainly, turning and walking to pour himself a drink at the table in front of them. 

Hermione wasn’t sure what to say. A part of her wasn’t a hundred percent sure he wasn’t trying to poison her. 

“No, Granger, I am not trying to poison you. You said you couldn’t sleep. It will help. Simple as that” He said, taking a sip of the amber liquid that filled his glass. She wasn’t sure how he had known what she was thinking, she assumed her facial expression had shown her own thoughts.

“Thank you” Hermione replied. Taking her eyes off the vial in her hands and looking at him. He stood there, watching her in return. They stayed there like that, gazing at each other, waiting for the other to say something or move to do something. Neither knew what to say, as they weren’t two people who usually interacted. Anything she thought to say was overruled by the fact that this was  _ Malfoy _ . She didn’t know how to act or talk to him without immediately turning the conversation into something more closely resembling an accusation or interrogation. It just wasn’t in their nature to be friendly to one another.

“Goodnight, Granger” Malfoy finally said, tipping his glass in her direction. He turned and Hermione watched his blonde hair fade into the dark as he retreated up the stairs to his room. 

Hermione made a mental note to try to have something at least somewhat nice to say the next time she saw Draco Malfoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the new chapter, as always i love any kudos and comments left. I know Hermione's heart to heart with Ginny may have been more fun if she had it with Draco, but I promise their relationship will begin to develop soon. A slow burn is a slow burn after all! Is there anything you hope to see in the future? Any guesses to little things that could occur? Things that may seem unimportant now may be important later! let me know what you think :)


	6. Obliviation Charms, Pansy Parkinson, and Too Many Butterbeers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione bonds with Pansy, (Who is low key a total tortured Badass), meets with Ron and, surprise, it doesn't go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is the longest chapter so far as there is a lot going on. I know a lot of people loved Pansy's character so far so I changed my plan for this chapter and included her in a good amount of it. Also, feel free to follow me on Tumblr at theloveleftbehind. If I get enough followers from the story I'd love to start a chat about it or update on chapter progress as I'm writing!

It was the first night she had had, since the war, where she slept through the entire night. No nightmares, no tossing or turning, just pure and peaceful sleep. She hadn’t remembered how much a good night’s sleep was worth. After going so long without it, she had almost forgotten what it felt like. 

She opened her eyes slowly, seeing her dorm room empty besides herself.

She allowed her mind to wander to the previous night. Draco had given her the calming draught, without anything in exchange. He had given it to her because she said she hadn’t been sleeping. Neither had he. It was something they had in common. A common thread between them from the war. 

He had been...more tolerable since she came to Hogwarts, she thought, but it was Draco Malfoy. She wanted to believe it was all a ploy, that it was Draco Malfoy’s endgame to get Hermione Granger to trust him only to steal her away to Malfoy Manor to finish the job his insane Aunt had started,

She felt a shooting pain run up her arm at the thought. She lifted her sleeve, allowing the scar to show, something she rarely did. Long sleeves and jumpers were her new go to, never eager to show off her inferior status that was etched into her skin. She eyed the scar disdainfully. 

While she remembered Draco being a part of the death eaters, she also had many other memories of him as well. She remembered him looking at Harry at Malfoy Manor, claiming he couldn’t be sure it was him. She had been certain he knew, yet he stood in that room surrounded by death eaters and claimed he was unsure.

She remembered laying on the floor, Bellatrix above her screaming into her face, and Malfoy not being able to even look at her afterwards. She had taken it for cowardice, but maybe it was sympathy. When Bellatrix ordered him to call Voldemort, once they had discovered it truly was Harry, Draco hesitated. His father stepped in to do it so as to not call attention to his son’s pause.

Then she remembered the final memory that shook her.

__

  
  


“ _ This was the wand of Draco Malfoy” Ollivander Whispered, looking up at Harry. _

_ “Was?” Harry asked. _

_ “Well, perhaps not, if you won it from him. I sense its allegiance has changed” _

_ ___ _

Had he changed? Was Draco Malfoy regretful? If he was, was it enough to just regret? And if it wasn’t enough, what would be?

Hermione remembered her previous vow to be kind the next time she saw Draco, but she added no other vow to forgive him for the things he did in the past.

_________

Hermione made her way to breakfast, embarrassed that she had slept slightly later than everyone else and was just barely making it on time. She didn’t have time to tame her hair, so she wore it thrown up into a low ponytail, with the extra fallen curls hanging around her face. 

When she arrived at the dining hall, she didn’t panic. She made her way to Ginny and Neville, and sat down beside Ginny. She ignored the comments from the Gryffindors a few seats down as they questioned her loyalties, her being a  _ Slytherin _ and all. Hermione tried to not roll her eyes at the thought. 

“Good morning Sleeping Beauty” Ginny said, nudging Hermione beside her. Hermione smiled back.

“I can’t remember the last time I got a decent night’s sleep”

“What’s your secret?” Neville asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Well, It’s not mine actually,” Hermione began in a lower voice, “Draco gave me a calming draught that he uses the sleep as well”

“Are you crazy?” Ginny asked, “A former death eater gives you a potion and you just drink it? No questions asked?”

Hermione rolled her eyes as she spread jam on the toast in front of her. 

“Ginny, believe it or not, Draco has been fairly well behaved since classes have begun” Hermione countered. Ginny looked at Neville in disbelief, as if asking for help to convince their friend she was in danger. He gave her a shrug.

“He spoke to me in our Muggle Studies class the other day. I wouldn’t go as far to say he was nice, but he was civil enough” Neville said. Ginny crossed her arms, obviously feeling betrayed by her last hope of help.

“Muggle studies?” Hermione asked. She couldn’t picture Draco Malfoy taking a class on muggles without a permanent sneer on his face.

“Yeah, the ministry is forcing most students who came from families with death eaters to take it. You should have seen him try to use a vacuum the other day, kept tripping over the plug” Neville said with a small chuckle.

Hermione laughed at the thought of Draco Malfoy attempting to clean without magic. She hadn’t realized he, and likely most of the Slytherins, were taking Muggle Studies. She wondered if he actually paid attention or cared to try.

“You have Defense Against the Dark Arts today” Ginny stated to Hermione, attempting to be casual and utterly failing. Hermione could feel her heartbeat quicken at the idea of being in a classroom throwing spells around and the unavoidable talk of what techniques were used during the war.

“Yes” She replied flatly. 

She had better things to do then sit in a classroom learning spells she already knew, she told herself. She was better off learning something different. She had been itching to go to the library to look up more information on Obliviation charms and their reversals. 

“I should get going” She said abruptly, rising out from the table and slinging her bag across her shoulder. She gave Ginny and Neville a smile and a short wave before leaving the Great Hall. She began to walk towards the library when a familiar voice appeared behind her.

“I believe your class is the other way” Pansy told her, pointing in the opposite direction as she worked to keep up with Hermione’s determined pace. Her short black hair swinging by her jaw as it matched the tempo of her walk.

“How observant of you”

“Oh my, is Hermione Granger skipping class? I just have to be here to witness this!” Pansy said smiling, “So where are we off to? Hogsmeade? One of the infamous secret tunnels you found with Potter and Weasley?”

“The library” Hermione told her flatly, she saw Pansy’s expression fall, losing all excitement that it held before.

“You’ve got to be kidding me” She groaned. Despite her complaints, she continued to follow Hermione towards the library and even sat down across from her once they had arrived. Hermione met her eyes.

“No one asked you to come” She told her, not wanting to deal with the constant groan of complaints or have to explain the reason she came.

“I’m less likely to get in trouble for skipping if I’m with the golden girl” Pansy explained, putting her feet up and beginning to look at her nails. Hermione surrendered, fighting between the side of herself that was annoyed that Pansy was here and the side of herself that was glad to not be alone. She assumed Pansy felt similarly. 

While Pansy continued to look at her nails, Hermione began to look through the stacks around her for anything that could be helpful. She found titles resembling something close to memory charms and charm reversals, though the volumes seemed to only skim the surface of memory research and provided nothing she had not already read. She knew she would need to venture into the restricted section in order to find new information, though she was certain there would be no way for her to get permission to do so. If she were to go ask Headmistress, she would be met with questions as to why she wasn’t in class. 

Hermione, without much hesitation, decided she would simply slip into the restricted section and take a look as to what there was on memory charms. She knew she would need some time to look around, and was suddenly thankful Pansy had tagged along. 

Hermione went back to the table and placed her hands on the wooden surface, leaning over towards Pansy.

“I need your help” She said. Pansy looked back at her with a look of slight surprise and intrigue. 

“Whatever can I do for you Miss Granger?” Pansy replied mockingly. 

Hermione noticed that while Pansy continued to poke fun at her and mock her, her voice failed to hold the same venom it had in previous years.

“I need you to distract Madame Pince so I can sneak into the restricted section. I only need a few minutes” She explained

“Are you mad?” Pansy asked, looking at her with widened eyes, “Madame Pince is one of the few people I don’t toy with. If she finds out what we’re up to she’d tear my head off” 

Hermione rolled her eyes.

“Where’s your sense of bravery?” She asked tauntingly.

“Hidden somewhere below my sense of self-preservation” Pansy argued back. 

Hermione sat down across from Pansy and pushed her fallen curls behind her ear. 

“Look, I get it. We aren’t close. You barely know me, but Pansy I really need this. I’ll explain after. I don’t have anyone else to help with this and there’s no way I’m getting a note to go into the restricted section after my...after what happened in potions the other day. Please can you help me with this?” She asked, her voice softer now. 

Pansy sighed, looking into Hermione’s eyes.

“Fine” she began, “but in return I want you to sleep in the common room tonight” She countered. Hermione didn’t stop to entertain the reason for the request but nodded quickly.

“Deal”

Pansy then stood up, her robes twirling from the momentum oh so dramatically. Hermione stifled a smile. While she could admit Pansy had been a prat in her earlier years, she was enjoying her this year. She had a certain flare about her, though Hermione guessed it was a ruse to hide what she was really going through and what she was really like. Hermione couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t eager to learn more about the raven haired Slytherin.

“Madam Pince! Someone left a chocolate frog in this book! It’s all over the pages, how am I supposed to read this?” Pansy shouted, waving her wand over a book and throwing Hermione a quick wink.

And with that, Hermione was off to the restricted section. 

She quickly sorted through the volumes in the first shelf, grabbing one entitled ‘Reversals and Repealings of Spell Casting’. Hermione turned her head upwards at the sound of Madame Pince’s voice.

“Miss Parkinson, I’m beginning to believe you caused this mess” 

“Are you serious? Do I look like the kind of girl who would be stuffing her face with chocolate in the library?”

Hermione continued her search until she exited the restricted section with a few volumes in hand. She was able to use a charm that hid the binding and made the books appear to be nothing more than a few volumes on ancient runes. She made her way back to the table as Pansy returned as well and sat down with a sigh.

“Pince now believes I sit in the library, eating chocolate frogs, like I’m a homesick first year Hufflepuff”

“Thank you for your help” Hermione told her, beginning to look through the books.

“So” Pansy began, using one finger to pull the book Hermione was reading down into her view, “What is it that is so important you had to break into the restricted section...memory charms?” 

“The obliviation charm” Hermione said shortly.

“That’s a fairly complicated charm” Pansy stated, “What are you trying to forget?”

“Why would you assume that I’m the one trying to forget something?” Hermione asked her, meeting her dark eyes over the book in her hands. Pansy shrugged and leaned back in her chair.

“I have plenty I would love to forget, I just assumed you would to”

Hermione studied the girl in front of her. She wondered how much more there was to Pansy Parkinson and how real this facade of calm and coolness was.

“I need to find how to reverse the charm” Hermione explained.

“The only reversal is torture” Pansy told her.

“Yes I know. It was Voldemort’s method of breaking the charm but I need another way” Hermione said, ignoring Pansy’s wince at Hermione saying his name.

“So who is it? The unlucky bloke who can’t remember anything?” Pansy asked.

Hermione met Pansy’s eyes as she felt her stomach drop.

“I’ll tell you when you tell me why you want me out of the room tonight” She countered.

Pansy tilted her head back to laugh and began to pull out a book for her Muggle Studies class.

“Continue on your secret mission then Hermione, I’ll just wait for your next command” Pansy returned with a dramatic flick of her hair.

Hermione gave a smile at her small victory and began to read the book in her hands. She hadn’t been reading for long before she saw Draco enter the library, attempting to look calm, cool, and collected. Most people would have believed the calmness he was attempting to portray, but Hermione saw his eyes flickering quickly at the tables until they stopped on her and Pansy. Draco began to make his way over to their table, his hands in his pockets.

“Never in my life did I think that I would be scolding Hermione Granger for skipping class, and better yet, with Pansy Parkinson” He said with a wicked smirk as he arrived in front of them. Hermione put her book down to look back up at him. He towered over her as she was sitting, showcasing his height and lean figure. 

“Well that’s my cue to go” Pansy said, rising from the table, giving a small nod to Draco and then Hermione, “I look forward to  _ not  _ seeing you tonight Hermione” exiting with a small smile and wave. 

Hermione returned her eyes to Draco, who had filled the seat Pansy had left.

“What is this?” Hermione asked seriously, “Are you checking on me?”

“You never struck me as someone avoidant of the dark arts” He replied, avoiding the question she had asked. Hermione sighed.

“I don’t really see the point in attending. I’ve had my fair share of the dark arts” She explained. Draco nodded slowly,still looking at her as if he was trying to disassemble her with his mind.

“Did the calming draught work?” He asked.

“Yes actually, it did. Do you use it often?”

He shook his head.

“If you use it too often your body builds a tolerance against it” He explained. Hermione frowned, knowing she wouldn’t get sleep like last night often. 

What were they doing here, talking like it was completely normal for them to be sharing a table at the library. What was his goal? Why was he here?

“Why are you always checking on me? The calming draught, finding me after I skip class?” She questioned, “The Draco from 6th year would have relished a class without me, yet here you are seeking me out” 

“Oh don’t go getting a big head Granger” He said rolling his eyes and leaning back, “Professor Tauney wanted me to give you the reading for next class”

“And no one else could come bring it to me?” She asked, smirking back at the blond who was struggling to find a reason. She watched him falter for a moment, before he regained his Slytherin composure.

“Are you going to constantly skip classes and make me come to find you to give you the assignments?” He spat back, his annoyance growing as she challenged him.

Hermione narrowed her eyes at him. Everyone questioned her. Everyone told her what to do instead of letting her live her life, whether she was screwing it up or not.

“I will have you know Malfoy that you, by no means, have to spend your time chasing me after class to play the hero” She said icily. Hadn’t she vowed to try to be nice? Why did they always end up like this?

Draco rose from his seat, placing his hands on the table and leaned towards her. She could smell his cologne, and some of his hair fell towards his forehead.

“We both know that in no situation would I end up playing the hero”

And with that, he turned and walked out of the library. Hermione found it hard to determine if she enjoyed getting under his skin or if she longed for one peaceful day in her life at Hogwarts.

_____

Hermione arrived at the Three Broomsticks before Ron. She waited awkwardly by the door, dreading the conversation ahead of her, before finally deciding to choose a table herself. 

She had tried to dress casually, as to not make Ron think she had dressed up for the occasion. She wore dark jeans along with a warm maroon jumper that hung loosely on her figure. She wore her hair down and it tumbled down her back in controlled waves. 

She ordered a butterbeer and waited for Ron to appear, glancing at her watch to make sure she had the time right. 

Without surprise, Ron was twenty minutes late, allowing Hermione to already be on her second drink. He entered the pub and scanned the room looking for her, and when he spotted her he grinned wide and walked over to the table. 

“Hermione, It’s so good to see you. You look great” He said, taking a seat in front of her and looking at her appraisingly.

“Thanks Ron, it’s nice to see you too” She said with a smile, taking another sip of her drink. 

As she put her drink down, Ron reached for her hand. He gave it a squeeze and met her eyes.

“I’ve really missed you ‘Mione. It’s not the same without you” He said softly. Hermione took her hand away and used it to take another drink as an excuse to remove it. She smiled and said nothing, not sure what to do or say.

Ron continued, “I think you should come back to the burrow, come back home. You’re already smarter than everyone at Hogwarts anyway” He told her.

Hermione took a deep breath.

“Ronald, I don’t have a home. My family doesn’t even remember I exist. And who are you to tell me what to do?” She questioned him as their server set down another drink in front of her. 

“Hermione, you know no one understands you like I do, I can be your family. We can be ‘us’ again” He told her smiling, attempting to touch her hand again.

“You don’t understand me!” She told him, “I’m a walking library to you! I’ll have you know that there is plenty I don’t know and can still learn. I still have time to have the years I never had at Hogwarts because we were too busy chasing anything that threatened anyone”

“So what? You’re just tossing me to the side? Just like that. With all we’ve been through?’ He asked, his smile being replaced with anger.

“Ron we broke up a month ago” she replied flatly, “You only want me because you have this idea of me in your head. The girl who can take care of you, keep you company and keep you happy. I am not that girl, I’ll have you know I was sorted into Slytherin this year for Godric’s sake. We both know you’d never date a snake now, would you?”

Ron looked at her in disbelief, almost at a loss for words.

“Hermione are you crazy? What, are you bunking with Malfoy and Zabini? Hanging out with Parkinson and Greengrass? How could you join the people who tried to kill us?” He asked, acid dripping off every word.

“They were kids like us Ronald!” She told him, “You know most of them were forced into that life. No one comes into this world believing those ideas without someone whispering in their ear”

“So what? Are you off shagging the Slytherins? Letting them all take a spin on the Gryffindor gone wild?” He spat. 

Hermione looked back at him, stunned by the words he so easily found and used against her. How had she ever loved him?

“I am Hermione fucking Granger” She told him, finishing her drink and standing to leave, “I will do what I want, who I want, whenever I please and  _ you _ Ronald Weasley can do nothing about it”

With that, she made an exit similar to the one she had seen earlier that day. Leaving the pub, she stormed back to Hogwarts. Her feet were ice cold from the small amount of snow that covered the ground, she couldn’t tell whether she was shaking from anger or the cold. She walked, hands at her side, steam practically coming out of her ears until she found herself at the door to the Slytherin common room.    
  


“Salazar” Hermione growled at the giant snake painting that blocked the entrance. Wordlessly, it opened the door for her and she stepped through to the common room. Draco was the only person left within the room. He looked up at her from the book in his hands as she entered and gave a slight chuckle.

“Who pissed you off?” He asked with a smile. 

Hermione ignored his question and stormed over to him, taking his face in her hands and smashing her lips onto his. He didn’t pull back, but also didn’t allow himself to sink into it at first, as if he thought she would jump back realizing it was a terrible mistake. 

It was a hard kiss, not loving or romantic in the slightest. It was hungry and needy. His lips were soft and she could taste the whiskey on them he had been drinking. She bit his lip lightly and in the slight gasp it got from him she slipped her tongue in. One of his hands found its way into her hair while the other held her back and drove her closer to him, her hands still remaining on the sides of his face. He let out a light groan as their tongues battled for dominance. His hands continued to roam her body, running over her back and attempting to rise to her breasts.

Before it could go any further Hermione pushed herself away from him. His lips were pink from the kiss and his hands were still in the air hanging where they had been touching her. He looked at her in utter amazement.

“I am Hermione fucking Granger. I will do what I want, who I want, whenever I please” She told him in a stern voice, staring him in the eyes. He nodded slowly, looking back at her.

“Okay, well...if you ever feel the need to do that again you know where to find me” He told her, taking the book that he had been reading back in his hands and beginning to read again. 

Hermione turned on her heels and began to make her way to her room, before she stopped and realized with horror that she had agreed to sleep in the common room.

Where Draco Malfoy was.

Where Draco Malfoy was, the man she had just snogged for no reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! As always I appreciate any and all comments and kudos! You can find me on tumblr at theloveleftbehind! I will be attempting to update again this weekend it time allows :)


	7. It's On My Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione regrets kissing Draco, but does it again. Things go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I was trying to get this chapter up on Saturday but it needed more time. On the bright side, this chapter is completely Draco and Hermione. I really wanted to do this chapter justice and hopefully it worked out that way. Enjoy!

Hermione faltered, standing on the staircase leading to her dorm room, after realizing she couldn’t enter.

What was she doing, running up and snogging Draco Malfoy of all people? Why hadn’t it been someone else in the common room? Theo? Maybe even Blaise. Why did it just have to be Draco? She could imagine the smug smile that would likely be on his face when she turned around to retreat to the couch.

Though, to her surprise, when she turned around she found him still reading his book attentively and paying little attention to her. She took a sigh of relief. 

“Did you just remember the deal you made with Pansy earlier?” He asked, not looking up from the book in his hands.

Damn It. 

“How did you know about that?” Hermione asked him. He had only entered the library after the deal was made. Draco then looked up at her and put his book down. 

“Granger, you may be getting on with the Slytherins, but I’ve been in this house with them since first year. I know things about Pansy you could never guess” He answered, tilting his head towards her with a proud smile.

“Well I would hope you would know Pansy well,” She said, making her way to the table he sat at, “you were betrothed to her after all” She took a seat across from him. 

Draco gave a short chuckle.

“Curious about that, are you?” 

Hermione felt herself blush lightly, expecting Draco to torment her on her curiosity, but instead he took the opportunity to elaborate. 

“It was nothing out of the ordinary,” He shrugged, “Most purebloods are put into arranged marriages. After the war it was null and void since my family left during the final battle”

Hermione nodded, not wanting to probe too deeply into Draco’s family, but she found herself curious.

“Were your parents arranged?” She asked.

“Yes,” he said, his jaw clenched, “my mother seemed to be extremely unlucky in that way”

Hermione thought back to what Pansy had said about Draco having it worse than anyone. As she sat across from him, she was weirdly calm and comfortable, as if this was a different person than the years before. Hermione watched as he took a sip of his drink, bringing the glass to his lips and finishing the remaining of the whiskey. She liked watching his long fingers around the glass, they were so elegant and pale. She had never admired a man’s hands before. 

“Why did you storm in here so upset?” He asked her, meeting her eyes once again. Hermione looked back into them seeing genuine curiosity and decided not to question it. 

“I met Ron in Hogsmeade” She answered, pouring herself a drink as her buzz from earlier was fading. Draco watched as she poured and took a sip.

“I never understood why you wasted your time with him,” He told her, leaning towards her slightly as if their conversation was intimately private, “you always seemed too good for him” 

Hermione rolled his eyes at him, refusing to buy into his flirting. 

“That’s gold coming from you Malfoy” 

Draco scoffed at her response.

“You are just full of venom this year, Granger” Though his words sounded wounded he looked at her as if he was impressed.

“I don’t think our track record has ever had a friendly interaction” Hermione replied, finding herself leaning towards him as well, though the alarms in her head were telling her to turn away. 

The closer she got to his eyes, the more detailed they became. They weren’t just grey, but had small flecks of green. His blonde hair falling slightly in his face, accented by his strong jaw. As he leaned over, Hermione could see the beginning of his collarbone peeking out of the collar of his shirt. Everything about him was clean lines and composure. Hermione couldn’t remember ever getting such a clear look of him before. His eyes darkened as he looked at her. 

“I wouldn’t mind more friendly encounters if they look anything like what happened a few moments ago” He said, his voice deep and low. He began to stand from his seat, though not leaving the edge of the small table as he made his way to her. When he stood in front of her, she looked up at him letting him tower over her. He took one of his hands and used it to tilt her face up to his. Hermione could only think of how his long fingers and pale hands looked holding her there like that. His eyes were locked on hers and she could smell his cologne again and the faint smell of whiskey on his breath. He looked at her as if not sure if he should continue. Hermione, despite herself, put her hand on top of his. He then slid one of his legs between her own, pressing against her in a way that ignited a heat within her.

Hermione’s breath hitched at the feeling, eliciting a small smile from Draco. He leaned down further, brushing his lips against her jaw. Tracing his lips against her skin, she tried to control the shiver that attempted to escape her. His hands went from her face to her hair before his lips wavered, almost touching hers. 

Hermione didn’t wait, she pressed her lips on his, standing from her seat and pushing herself further into his arms. 

Then, her hands were in his hair, her body pushing against his, and their lips crashing onto one another's. His tongue traced her bottom lip, as if asking for entrance, which she readily granted. Then, his tongue entered her mouth and intertwined with her own. Draco let out a low groan, his hands leaving her hair and finding their way to her back, then roaming further to her behind and pulling her closer, as if they could get any closer. 

This was more than impulse. This felt like attraction, this felt like thought out action, and it confused and terrified her. She immediately felt insecure and slightly ashamed, remembering all the times she had been made to feel inferior to him. The names, the fights, the  _ war.  _

The war. The war they fought on opposing sides. The war where he chose to join the death eaters and fight to enslave muggles. The war where he allowed her to be maimed on his hardwood floors.

Hermione pulled away, untangling herself from him, putting her fingers to her own lips, shocked she had left herself have such an intense moment with Malfoy. This wasn’t impulsive, this was a thought out choice, it made her feel guilty. To her friends, to her beliefs, to herself. 

“I thought you wa-” He began.

“I-  _ we  _ cannot do this. I cannot do this with you” She told him, pushing her hair back and straightening her clothes.

“Says who?” He asked her pointedly.

“Says everyone in your family, your beliefs, what you called me almost every day of my life here until this year!” She told him. 

“I don’t feel that way anymore,” He began, taking a step towards her, though she returned with a step back. He sighed, “I’ve forgotten and left behind the blood purity scam my parents fed me as a boy...I don’t see you that way, as just a...a” 

He wouldn’t say the word.

“Say it” Hermione seethed, “say it, don’t act like you cannot even fathom speaking the name you so  _ lovingly  _ called me for our entire time at Hogwarts” she snapped, her right hand pushing back her hair as the curls seemed to obey the volume her voice was rising too. 

“I’m not saying it,” Draco shouted, his heart beating fast with anger and frustration at the recollection of his previous beliefs.

“Why not Draco? We all know what I am” She hissed, attempting to turn away from him. 

“I’m trying to change for Godric’s sake. If you’ll ever let me get through an entire conversation without attacking me! I’ve forgotted the idiotic things I believed as a child!” He yelled. As soon as the words left his lips Hermione turned to face him once again, her face contorted in disbelief. Hermione could see his face fill with worry at her new look of determination.

“It's on my  _ skin  _ Draco!” She said, tears now beginning to fall down her cheeks, slipping past her freckles and falling to the floor. “I don't need you to say it. It’s etched in my brain forever, the way  _ you  _ said it, the way your  _ aunt  _ said it when she carved it into my arm like I was an animal” Her words were fast, as though her mouth was attempting to get all her thoughts out as quickly as her brain could supply them, before they vanished into air. She took in a breath of air as if she was about to be plunged underwater, “ _ You _ can forget it,  _ you _ can let it go. Draco it is written on my SKIN” She tore her sleeve up, showcasing the scrawl left on her arm from a memory that, for Draco, had been locked in a box and thrown into the back of his brain, he hoped never to relive again. 

“Hermione,” He said softly, “you have no idea how responsible I feel for what happened to you”

“You turned away” She told him, tears still falling from her eyes, falling on to her sweater, “you couldn’t even meet my eyes when she did this. How can you care when you were a complete coward”

He had no words for that, and she knew.

“I can’t go back and change things,” He finally said.

“But you can watch it over again” She told him, taking a step closer.

“What on earth are you talking about?” He asked her, looking confused.

“I know you’re talented in legilimency. So watch. Look at my memory. You want to be responsible? Then watch” She told him.

He looked at her like she was crazy.

“Don’t be a coward, Draco”

“Enough” He hissed, facing her completely now, “I’ll do it”

He closed the space between them, looking her in the eyes. Hermione would have thought he was going to kiss her again if he hadn’t muttered the spell,

“Legilimens”

And suddenly, they were back. Back in the manor, back in the war, back to their opposing sides.

____

_ “It’s supposed to be in my vault...how did you and your friends get in my vault?” Bellatrix muttered absently, “Where did you get the sword?!” She then screamed, straddling Hermione, her raven black hair as wild as the look in her eyes. _

_ “Please, please” Hermione cried, her breath uneven, “I didn’t take anything” _

_ Bellatrix looked into her eyes for a moment, before a sinister smile replaced her frown and she bent over to Hermione’s side.  _

_ Hermione began to feel Bellatrix carving into her arm. _

_ She began to scream. _

_ No one came.  _

_ No one listened. _

_ She kept screaming, thinking she would pass out from the pain, but the relief of unconsciousness never came.  _

_ ___ _

Hermione was brought back to the present, standing in front of Draco. Though, they were only back for a second, before another memory was brought to their forefront

____

_ Hermione stood behind her parents as they sat on the couch. Her mother was wearing her hair in a tight bun as she always did, and pouring a cup of tea for her father. They were talking about their plans for the weekend, not noticing their daughter behind them.  _

_ Hermione raised her wand, and lightly whispered “Obliviate”. _

_ She watched as she faded from the pictures around the room, felt her stomach curl inside itself, and left out the door. _

_ She walked down the road, alone, tears beginning to stream down her face. She had never felt a pain like this before, of being completely forgotten by family. Of being completely alone. She thought, this must be how Harry felt all those years. _

_ _____ _

“I didn’t tell you you could see that” She hissed at him once they were brought back.

“Granger, I’m not trying to. Control your emotions!”

_____

_ Draco sat on his bed, his head in his hands. Tears were falling onto the floor below him, his shirt was wet with the sweat and stress he was carrying. He looked tired, exhausted even. Never had a man so composed looked so broken.  _

_ His mother edged herself into the door, knocking briefly as if she did not already see her son falling apart in front of her. _

_ “Draco” She whispered, entering the room and lightly putting a hand on his back. _

_ “I don’t want this” He told her, looking up to meet her eyes. She looked down at him, almost faltering for a second and showing how heartbroken she was at the sight of her son so upset, before composing herself once again. _

_ “It’s too late, we have no choice” She told him. _

_ “Father had a choice” Draco spat, his sadness turning into anger. He rose from where he had sat and faced his mother, “Father chose my destiny for me, and now we are all going to die” _

_ _______ _

Hermione, brought back once again to the present, was beginning to feel light headed from all the emotions and memories she was experiencing. When she looked at Draco, he said nothing, refusing to meet her eyes.

‘What’s happening?” She asked him, “I didn’t look, I don’t even know how-”

“I know” He told her.

She froze.

“Draco, what do you know? What is this?” She asked again.

“Hermione” He said, taking a seat on the couch behind him, “I can see you riding your bike when you were 6, I can see you on the train first year telling Weasel he can’t cast a spell, I can see you skipping class earlier today”

“Draco,” She said, her voice rising this time, “What are you talking about?”

“Can you see me?” he asked her.

Hermione almost asked what he meant by that, but then, with barely a thought of effort, she saw him. 

Draco with his mother in Diagon Alley.

Draco gasping on the floor from an almost fatal spell Harry cast.

Draco, on the tower, wand pointed at Dumbledore.

Draco, sitting alone at breakfast reading his potions textbook. 

He looked back at her, her expression confirming whatever he was thinking.

“I’ve only heard of this happening once before,” He said quietly, “legilimency gone wrong. Too emotional, uncontrolled on both ends”

“Draco-”

“We’re bound, linked, all our memories stored within each other” He said.

Hermione stared back at him speechless.

“Do you mean to say we are...permanently in each other’s memories?” She finally asked him.

He put his head in his hands.

“Yes Granger, I think we are”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and Kudos are appreciated :) Let me know your thoughts!


	8. Slytherins Have Too Much Emotional Baggage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Draco and Hermione experience shared memories, potions class shares too much, Daphne Greengrass has actual dialogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I was hoping to post this a few days ago but this week has been hectic. I haven't been in the mental place to really sit down and write until today. I want to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who comments and gives kudos. It really does motivate me and make me so happy to see you enjoy this! Thank you for being patient!
> 
> ALSO memories may be abrupt in paragraphs. I will use italics and the break lines to show when one is happening. Sometimes AO3 doesn't keep my italics so I apologize if that happens!

“No, no, no” Hermione said, Draco standing in front of her, arms crossed as he leaned against the table, staring at the ground in thought.

“How did this happen? How do we reverse this?-”

_____

_ How did this happen? Draco thought to himself as he stared into the mirror in the boys bathroom. His breath was fast, though not as fast as the beat of his heart. He grabbed his tie and loosened it quickly, feeling as though he couldn’t breathe, then slipping his sweater over his head, now drenched in his panicked sweat. _

_ Looking at himself in the mirror, he was filled with the feeling of disgust. His hair was a mess, his skin was deathly pale, and the bags under his eyes were turning a deep blue from his lack of sleep.  _

_ How did this happen? _

_ He threw cold water on his face, looking for any sense of relief he could find, though the water did nothing to calm his nerves. He was losing control. He couldn’t do this. _

_ He began to cry, despite the annoyance he felt towards himself at his own weakness. His body shaking, tears falling from his eyes.  _

_ This was not supposed to happen to me, he thought. This was not supposed to be my destiny. _

_ “I know what you did, Malfoy” _

_ He looked up in the mirror to see Potter standing at the entrance to the bathroom, “You hexed her didn’t you?” _

_ Malfoy whipped around to face him, anger now beginning to boil from the sadness he had felt.  _

_ Potter didn’t understand, Malfoy didn’t have a choice. This mark wasn’t one he wanted, this role wasn’t one he wanted to play. _

_ But he wanted to live, and this is what it took.  _

_ Malfoy threw a hex towards him first, followed by Potter. The boys were running through the bathroom, jumping over things and throwing hexes back and forth, when Malfoy hid behind a bathroom stall. He looked under the stall wall to see Potter staring back. He quickly sent a hex towards him before running. _

_ When he came to see Potter again, he raised his wand, but before he could mutter any words he was hit with what felt like glass stabbing into his side. _

_ “Sectumsempra!” _

_ Shooting pain erupted from his body as he fell to the floor. He couldn’t help but convulse and cry out at the extent of the pain. _

_ He was dying, he thought. A part of him wanted to fight, another wanted to let himself bleed out on the floor. _

_ ______ _

Hermione came back, clutching herself where Draco had been hit by the curse. She could feel the pain he had felt in the moment lingering on her. It took her breath away and she hung to the side of the couch to keep herself up. 

She felt Draco appear at her side, grabbing her arm to help her as she recovered from the memory.

“Don’t you feel the same pain?” She asked him, looking up towards him. His jaw was clenched and he avoided her eyes.

“You’ll find I have a higher pain tolerance than most”

Hermione only nodded.

“Well we have to do something. There must be a way to fix this” She told him, running her hands through her hair in thought, “Maybe there’s something in the library, a spell, a potion, we can make to reverse this? This had to have happened to someone else. Maybe we can contact them?” She wondered.

Draco was silent. Standing next to her, leaning his back against the table, one hand under his chin in thought. 

She wanted to know what was going on in his mind. What was he thinking?

“Draco?” She asked again, her voice beginning to show her frustration. 

He looked up at her then, his facing looking worried.

“Hermione, there are things you might see” He started, standing up completely and putting a hand on her arm, “things that would be rather...unpleasant”

“We both have no idea how to control this” She told him, her voice softening at his worry.

“It seems, just from the few memories we’ve witnessed together, intense emotions bring us both back into a memory, otherwise, if we focus we can pull out memories as we please” He speculated. 

“Draco Malfoy you are not allowed to look at anything scandalous inside my head” She told him sterly. He rolled in his eyes in response.

“Hermione, I would just like to point out that you were the one who snogged me out of nowhere when you got back tonight. If anyone is committing any scandalous acts its you” 

Hermione crossed her arms in frustration. He had the potential to look at anything he wanted in her head. She didn’t know what would be worse, him seeing secrets from the order, or him seeing her and Ron together in bed. 

“For Godric’s sake you’re turning white,” Draco pointed out to her, “I’m not going to go snooping through your memory.”

Hermione took a small sigh of relief, not sure if she believed him completely.

“You need to get a hold on your emotions” He told her, “You’re going to spiral us into one dark memory after another if you can’t compartmentalize” 

Hermione looked at him, perplexed.

“Yes Draco, I will  _ compartmentalize _ , but what are we doing to do about this? We have to tell the headmistress. She would know what to do, or at least who to talk to” She told him. How could he sit there and act like this was fine? This was not normal, and even for their shared intellect this problem was too great. 

“Yes, let's tell the headmistress and then the ministry will find out I’m using legilimency on one of the members of the golden trio, that would look wonderful” He said sarcastically.

Hermione had to acknowledge he had a point, the ministry was no doubt watching him constantly and this wouldn’t look good.

“Fine, we wait, but if this gets worse we need to tell her” she compromised. Draco nodded silently.

As they stood there, Hermione realized just how much had happened between them that night. She had kissed him, kissed him again, then ordered him to use legilimency on her. She had an entire library of Draco Malfoy’s memories at her disposal. She couldn’t lie to herself, even though she had made him assure her he wouldn’t look at her memories, she wanted to see what had led Draco to make the decisions he made. 

“We should get some rest,” he told her, meeting her eyes once more. She nodded in response and he began to turn and walk towards the stairs leading to the boys dorm.

“We should keep whatever we see to ourselves” He said, pausing at the top of the stairs and turning his head only to see her out of his peripheral vision. it was less of a command and more of a request. 

“Agreed”

With no response, he entered his dorm, leaving Hermione alone in the common room. 

She made her way to the couch to find that he had transfigured some of the pillows into emerald green blankets. She was both appreciative and annoyed by the gesture.

She didn’t want to think about the fact that he hadn’t wanted to be a death eater. She didn’t want to think about him almost letting himself die on the floor of the boy’s bathroom. She wanted a simple year at Hogwarts to have fun, and here she was, linked with no one other than Draco freaking Malfoy.

______

  
  


Hermione woke the next morning to a headache and Pansy sitting on the couch across from her, watching her attentively. 

“This is quite creepy” Hermione told her, beginning to sit up and stretch after a long uncomfortable night of sleeping on the couch.

“Thank you for sleeping out here” Pansy said quietly, as if the words felt odd on her tongue.

“Well I would say anytime but I don’t think my back would appreciate that” Hermione said smiling slightly, “You know if you wanted alone time you probably should have made a deal with Daphne too” She added.

“Yea, good point” Pansy said, clearing her throat and beginning to stand up. Hermione looked at her suspiciously, not understanding where this awkward tension suddenly came from. 

Then, despite her efforts, she felt the same blurry feeling as last night before slipping into another memory.

_____ 

_ “Draco, I can’t marry you” Pansy said, sitting directly beside Draco. She had tears in her eyes and her hair was disheveled. Her shoulders were slouched in defeat, and for a girl who usually oozed confidence, she looked destroyed. _

_ “You know Pansy, I expected everyone else to walk out on us after the war, but you too? Really?” Draco snapped, pushing her hands out of his own and standing up as if he was going to walk away. He knew Pansy didn’t love him, and she knew he didn’t love her, but they were arranged and they had both found a sense of comfort knowing the person they were going to spend their life with wasn’t completely terrible. Draco had come to long for the days he could get married and live away from his parents. Now, it was just a reminder the war ruined everything. _

_ “Draco wait!” Pansy begged, rising and grabbing his hand once again, “I can’t marry you because I’m sick” She told him.  _

_ He then turned to face her once more, a look of confusion on his face.  _

_ “Sick? What do you mean?” _

_ “Mother says I’m sick...I have urges. She says they’re not natural” She told him, looking down at her hands, not able to meet his eyes.  _

_ “Pansy what in Godric’s name do you mean?” He asked her, beginning to get impatient. _

_ “My mother saw me with Daphne” She told him, “Draco I love her”  _

_ Tears began to fall from her eyes as she fell into Draco’s arms. He held her as she cried into his shirt. His anger towards the girl dulled in that moment, and fell to understanding and sympathy. _

_ “Parkinson, you are not sick” _

_ _______ _

Hermione stared at Pansy in awe.

Pansy was in love with Daphne.

Hermione felt dirty, knowing a secret Pansy didn’t entrust her with. She felt terribly guilty, knowing the pain this secret caused Pansy, and she just awarded herself with the truth she wasn’t given.

“Granger, what is wrong with you?” Pansy snapped, and Hermione realized she hadn’t looked away from her. She turned her eyes and rose from the couch.

“Sorry, still waking up” She told her, going up the stairs to get ready. 

“Whatever, I’ll see you at breakfast. Enough sitting with the Gryffindors though, today you sit with us” Pansy said before leaving the common room.

Hermione was beginning to understand the language of Pansy Parkinson, and she was quite touched Pansy wanted to sit with her at breakfast. 

___

After breakfast, Hermione made her way to potions, still suffering from a headache that seemed to only grow stronger throughout the morning. She prescribed it to sleeping on the couch and the stress and drinks of last night. 

She had sat with Pansy, Daphne, Blaise, and Theo at breakfast. She told herself she didn’t care where Draco was, but when she arrived at the Great Hall she couldn’t help but look for the blonde at the Slytherin table. 

She attempted to keep up with the group’s conversation but found herself spending most of the time in her own thoughts. 

Her and Draco were linked. They shared memories, and she was likely able to see anything she wanted about him if she tried hard enough. The thought was tempting in itself, the idea of seeing the sequence of events that created someone like him. He had truly surprised her this year, being tolerable and even kind to her at times. 

And she had kissed him.

Even worse, she had enjoyed it.

She could lie to him, but she couldn’t lie to herself, there was a certain thrill in her kissing the former death eater. Knowing it was something she shouldn’t do. The thrill was met with a certain amount of guilt as well, as the history the two had was far from respectful; but he had refused to call her a mudblood. He had actually refused to say the word her had introduced to her vocabulary so many years ago. He showed actual remorse and regret, she had seen the fear in his memory when he mourned over his father’s choice to join the death eaters. 

She wanted to believe he had changed, both for a guiltless snog and for his own good.

When Hermione entered potions, she scanned the room to see that Draco hadn’t arrived yet. She had no idea what they were supposed to say or what they were going to do. She couldn’t wait to go to the library to attempt to find something, anything, to help them. 

And her headache continued to worsen.

She rested her head on the table in front of her, not caring how she looked to those around her. They already thought she was crazy anyway. 

“You’re not feeling well either then?” 

She lifted her head to see Draco, looking like he hadn’t slept at all. 

“I’ve had a headache all morning” She told him.

He nodded in response.

“Me too”

Hermione scoffed, “Awesome we have twin headaches as well”

The comment earned a small smile from Draco, though neither of them were able to continue the conversation due to the beginning of class.

“Welcome class! Today we will be brewing Amortentia!” Professor Slughorn began “You will find the recipe on page 27 of your books”

Draco and Hermione, having already brewed the potion, started right away. They worked in sync, barely needing to talk as they shared a book for instructions. 

“Have you seen anything since last night?” Hermione asked him as he dropped beans into the cauldron. 

“Have something to hide, Granger?” He asked, smirking though not meeting her eyes.

“I’m serious Malfoy, did you see anything?” She asked again.

He said nothing for a few seconds, his face serious as he continued to put ingredients in the pot.

“I saw the fight you and the weasel had last night” He told her. 

Hermione had assumed he had, as it had filled most of her dreams and kept her tossing and turning last night.

“I stand by what I said” he continued, “you can do better”

They finished the rest of the potion in silence, focusing on the ingredients and checking if the potion looked right. 

When they finished, their potion was a perfect pearl color. Professor Slughorn approached their table and looked at the potion approvingly before gesturing for them to get closer to the potion.

“Let’s see then, what do you smell Mr. Malfoy?” He asked.

Malfoy took a step towards the potion and leaned down to smell the potion.

“I smell....old books, and butterscotch”

Slughorn nodded approvingly as Malfoy took a step back before gesturing for Hermione to do the same. 

She stepped forward, expecting to smell the same from the year before, but was surprised to find it had changed. She was quickly overwhelmed by the scent of fire whiskey and apples. She attempted to hide her embarrassment.

“I smell apples and fire whiskey” She said through gritted teeth.

______

_ Her hands were in his hair, her body pushing against his, and their lips crashing onto one another's. His tongue traced her bottom lip, as if asking for entrance, which she readily granted. Then, his tongue entered her mouth and intertwined with her own. Draco let out a low groan, his hands leaving her hair and finding their way to her back, then roaming further to her behind and pulling her closer, as if they could get any closer.  _

_ The taste of fire whiskey on his lips was overwhelming. _

_ ___ _

“Miss Granger, are you okay?” Slughorn asked.

Hermione cleared her throat, feeling the fire in between her legs ignite at the memory of Draco’s hands on her.

“Yes Professor”

“Splendid” He said, “Wonderful potion. I will see you both next class” 

Hermione began to gather her things, attempting to avoid Draco’s eyes, knowing he had witnessed the same memory she had. Though, as she tried to make her way out the door she noticed him walking beside her.

“Are you going to have me relive that throughout the day, Granger?’ He asked her, a small smile playing on his lips. 

Hermione rolled her eyes.

“You know I can’t control it” She told him pointedly.

Draco then pushed her against the wall, so they were facing one another. His face inches away from hers. She quickly looked around them relieved no one else was yet in the hallway.

“Draco Malfoy,  _ what  _ are you doing?” She asked him. She was gripping his arms as he pressed against her, his eyes on her.

“If you say you can’t control it, then it only makes me believe you truly enjoyed last night and couldn’t help but think about it” He told her.

She stared back at him and had no response. It was as if her brain refused to work while he held her like this.

She had never had a feeling like this, Ron had never aroused her and made her feel so wanted like this. She was embarrassed with herself for being so overwhelmed while another part of her just wanted to not care at all and see what happened. 

“Fire whiskey and apples” He said, interrupting her clouded thoughts. She could feel herself turn red at the reminder.

“Old books and butterscotch?” She retorted. When she had heard his answer in potions she knew it had to do with her as well. The multiple butterbeers she had last night were likely still on her lips when she had kissed him. 

Draco didn’t falter at her reminder of his answers. Instead, he leaned in closer, grazing his lips just barely onto her own.

“Goodbye, Granger” He said softly against them, before turning on his heels and walking down the hallway.

Hermione told herself that their answers only reflected one another because of the link. They were in each other’s minds, and that’s why she was so clouded and smelled him in the potion.

That was it. That was the only reason why.

Hermione hadn’t realized her headache had faded during class until it began once more while she collected herself in the hallway. She groaned to herself before making her way to Herbology. 

Herbology was spent with Hermione and Neville attempting to repot the growing Whomping Willow. Though Neville tried his best, the tree would only allow Hermione to pick it up fully and place it down into a much larger pot.

“I don’t understand,” Neville said defeatedly, putting his head in his hands.

Hermione smiled to herself, she was never one for Herbology but she couldn’t pretend being the plants chosen confidant didn’t give her ego a boost. She was surprised to find that something she once viewed as dangerous and deadly was beginning to be the favorite part of her day. 

Neville looked up quickly towards the plant.

“Is it bloody purring for you?”

______

Hermione was exhausted and her head was still pounding by the time she finally made it to the library. No part of her wanted to delve into the books to search for a solution but she knew it was necessary.

She began searching through the stacks when she heard someone sniffling a row over. She almost thought to ignore it, but as they continued it began to pull on her heart strings and she couldn’t help but to peek over to see who it was.

“Daphne? Are you okay?” She asked the blonde headed girl, who was slumped against a bookcase with her head in her hands. She looked up and wiped away the tears on her face.

“Oh, this is so embarrassing I’m sorry” Daphne began, attempting to fix her clothes and hair. 

Hermione gave a small smile.

“No apology necessary. Do you...want to talk about it?” Hermione offered. She felt awkward, knowing more about Daphne than anyone thought since she saw Pansy’s memory.

Daphne let out a heavy sigh, her blue eyes beginning to fill with water once more.

“When you joined Slytherin, were you worried your Gryffindor friends hate you?” She asked. 

“Of course” Hermione began, sitting down next to Daphne on the floor against the bookshelf, “I felt like I was betraying them a bit I suppose. I think I just knew it was time to do what was best for me though, and that just happened to be exploring this new part of me”

Daphne nodded and looked thoughtfully at her hands, not meeting Hermione’s eyes. They stayed there for a few seconds like that, until Daphne began to speak once more.

“It seems frightening...showing yourself to everyone like that; not being what everyone wants you to be”

“Well, at the end of the day you have to live with yourself, no one else” Hermione told her. Daphne finally met her eyes, looking as though she was holding back words that threatened to spill out of her mouth. Instead she smiled, and began to stand from where she had been sitting. 

“Thanks, Hermione. I’ll see you in the dorm later” She said, smiling once more and brushing her hair back before exiting the stacks.

Hermione sighed to herself before rising to her feet.

She would never have thought the Slytherins were the ones with the most emotional baggage. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Next chapter will be up within the week :) let me know what you think!


	9. Draco, Hermione, and the Killer Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione sees Harry, has a panic attack, and Draco pets a tree.

Hermione sat on her bed in her dorm room, relieved her classes were done; though she only attended one. She dreaded the time. As Daphne and Pansy prepared to sleep, she knew it meant she would be up, tossing and turning until the sun rose.

Friday had flown by for Hermione in a blink of an eye, well for the most part at least. She had avoided Draco all day, hoping to avoid any flashbacks or any close encounters that resulted with her speechless and his lips anywhere near hers. For the most part, she had been successful. Fridays were the one day she had no classes with him and she managed to get out of the common room before anyone else in the dorm was awake. 

Of course, it was the memories that kept her awake, and she wondered if Draco experienced the same issue. It was as if the ease of sleep took hold and broke down the barrier that kept her from letting the river of memories enter her mind. She shivered at the memory of one most unpleasant that kept her from sleeping at all the previous night.

____

_ “You weren’t  _ sure _?” Bellatrix Lestrange screamed as Draco knelt on the floor of Malfoy Manor. His lip was bleeding from the hard slap he had just received from his aunt. _

_ Harry Potter and his friends have escaped. It was Draco’s fault. It was always Draco’s fault. _

_ “Answer me!” She shrieked again, his hesitation beginning to wear her thin. Narcissa Malfoy stood in the doorway, her hand covering her mouth as tears began to form in her eyes. She wanted to go to him, but Lucius held her back. _

_ “He didn’t look the same” Draco told her, refusing to meet her eyes. He looked truly defeated, staring at the hardwood floors where a small pool of blood remained. _

_ “CRUCIO” Bellatrix screamed, pointing her wand at Draco who began to writhe in pain. She continued to torture him for what seemed like several minutes before finally stopping. She turned her eyes to Narcissa, still standing in the doorway. _

_ “Cissy, bring out some tea. I’m parched. Draco, are you parched?” She asked, sitting down to the table as she hadn’t just tortured her nephew mere moments ago. _

_ “Yes, right away” Narcissa said, her voice strained, though she made her way out of the room quickly.  _

_ Draco then dragged himself off the floor, his body still twitching slightly from the lingering feeling of the curse. He had tears staining his cheeks and his hair was hanging loosely around his face.  _

_ When he finally pulled himself into a chair, Bellatrix turned to meet his gaze. She smiled a wicked smile, and just as Narcissa returned with a tray of tea, she opened her mouth and muttered the word as if it was a commonly used greeting, _

_ “Crucio” _

_ The last thing Draco heard before he fell to the ground was the sound of the tray of tea crashing to the floor. _

_ ______ _

Hermione had to shake her head at the memory, as if she could make it fall out of her mind and never be brought to her attention again.

But it returned. Kept her from sleep. Almost kept her from breathing when she experienced it for the second time. It was the first time she experienced one of his memories twice. 

Her train of thought was interrupted when a large brown ministry owl landed in her window. He squawked impatiently at her due to her slight hesitation at the sight of him. She quickly recovered and stood up, giving the owl a few treats in exchange for the letter. Before she could even open it, the owl flew away.

“No reply then” She muttered under the breath, looking down at the letter in her hands. She opened it to see Harry’s familiar scrawl. 

_ Hermione,  _

_ I know I haven’t taken the time to write to you the last few weeks. I would tell you it’s because I was busy, but we would both know that’s shite. I spoke to Ron the other day after you met him in Hogsmeade. Meet me tomorrow morning for coffee in Hogsmeade. _

_ Harry _

Hermione sat down, sighing to herself. She knew she had to go, she couldn’t stand Harry up. Though, she didn’t look forward to seeing him like she usually would have. She wondered what story Ron had spun him. Did he tell Harry she was sleeping with all the Slytherins? Having slumber parties with Pansy? 

It was no use worrying, she told herself. Whatever he told Harry was already said. All she could do is see Harry and clean up whatever mess was left for her, as usual. 

“Granger,” Pansy said from across the room, “are you planning on turning off your light, some of us are actually tired from  _ attending _ classes” 

Pansy met her eyes and while her words were harsh, her voice lacked venom and her eyes were void of the hard glare they usually held. 

Similar to the night of the party, it was as if they had a silent pact of civility. Sometimes, Hermione thought they were almost friends. Hermione herself knew more about Pansy than she did of the other Slytherins, besides Draco. Pansy just remained in the dark to just how much Hermione knew. 

“I was going to go study in the common room” Hermione replied, grabbing a random book from her bedside table and beginning to make her way out of the room.

“Oh, okay” Pansy said, looking quickly to Daphne beside her and back to Hermione, “See you later then”

Hermione gave a small smile to both girls and closed the door behind her before making her way down the stairs.

She made her way to the cabinet that was charmed to not show the drinks the 8th years had stashed from the younger students.

“Revelio” She said to herself, watching as the glass bottles appeared before her. She grabbed the bottle of fire whiskey and a glass and began to pour herself a drink. She placed the glass below her nose before intaking the familiar smell. She sighed and sat down on the couch, taking a few sips before she began to feel the warmth the alcohol brought to her. 

Before she knew it, she was on her third glass. She had turned on the stereo, the music filling the room. It made her feel less alone, though she danced slowly by herself. Her drink held in her hand in the air, while her hips swayed side to side to the rhythm of the music. She turned slowly but stopped short when she saw she was no longer alone in the room. 

“Draco” She said quietly, barely above a whisper. 

He stood leaning against the wall, his hands in his pockets. It was the first time she had ever seen him in something other than his robes or a well tailored suit. He stood there in a charcoal t-shirt and black sweatpants. She saw the tone in his arms as they crossed against his chest. His hair was loose, and she couldn’t help but drunkenly smile at the sight of Draco Malfoy, so completely casual.

“Hermione” He said back, “your music is keeping me up” He told her, though his voice had no anger to it.

“We both know it's not the music that keeps us up. It’s the memories, the regrets, the headaches we both seem to suffer from all the sudden” She began, twirling her glass so the liquid spun around the sides of the glass, “Does your headache go away when you’re around me? Mine disappears when I’m with you. Do you think it’s because of what happened? It could be, I think it could” She said, almost talking to herself. 

Draco rose from against the wall and walked towards her, taking the drink out of her hands.

“How many of these have you had tonight?” He asked, finishing her drink in one gulp. She wondered if she kissed him if she would taste it on his lips again. 

Hermione ignored his question, the alcohol making her feel blurry and determined to follow her own train of thought and no one else’s 

“I heard this song in the middle of the war” She told him, “After Ron left Harry and I in the woods. It felt like we were in the woods forever...” She trailed off.

______

_ Hermione sat in the tent, feeling as though her heart had sunk itself into her stomach. They had made no progress since Ron had left. No horcruxes, and no way to destroy the one they had.  _

_ The necklace sat against her chest like heavy stone. Wearing it made her feel as though she had to fight through every breath, it made her question every glance from Harry, every word. She felt angry, spiteful, as if the wrong word would set her off on an angry mission she didn’t know she had.  _

_ Harry entered the tent, making his way to her. She looked up at him, no patience or energy to discuss ideas of where to go next or steps to take. She wanted to scream, wanted to tell him to get away from her and leave her alone.  _

_ But, instead of speaking he took the necklace off from around her neck, placing it beside them, and took her hands in his. She felt the effects immediately, taking a deep breath and allowing the air to fill her lungs. She rose at Harry’s soft pull as he took her to the middle of the tent. He began to slowly move her arms back and forth to the music, smiling slightly at her. She entertained the movement, allowing him to dance with her. She didn’t want to smile, she didn’t want to feel happy.  _

_ But she did. And he smiled back. And for a few moments in time they were  _ actually  _ happy. She giggled when he twirled her, only to have them both fall to a serious note when he held her close and let her head rest on his shoulder. _

_ Her smile faded, the memories of where they were coming back to her, reality settling in. Her body stiffened once more. She removed herself from his grasp after a few seconds had passed and sat back down where she had previously been.  _

_ They were still here, with no leads, no answers, no end in sight. _

_ ______ _

She was brought back to the present, but she didn’t move. The memory brought with it a sadness and ache of hopelessness she hadn’t felt so powerfully since the war. 

She said nothing, her eyes on Draco’s, knowing he had seen what she had, felt what she had. She half expected a sarcastic comment about her and Harry slow dancing, as accusation of being the golden boy’s girl, but instead he took a few steps towards her until he was standing directly in front of her. He met her eyes, as if waiting for her to stop him, before taking her hands in his own and placing them around his neck. 

They were dancing. 

She was dancing with Draco Malfoy.

Her instincts told her to pull away or to be embarrassed, but the alcohol removed her usual hesitation and instead she sunk into him. His chest was hard and his arms were tight around her, as if he expected her to drop. She wondered the same. 

“You’re right. My headaches go away when I’m with you” He told her. She looked up at him, he was nearly a whole head taller than her and she had to arch her head to meet his eyes. 

“Why do you think that is?’ She asked him. They spoke barely above a whisper.

She felt him shrug beneath her arms.

“Aren’t you supposed to have all the answers?” He asked with a low chuckle. Hermione pressed her head against his chest again.

“I’m tired of having all the answers,” She began, “I’ve always been the one with the answers. Why does it have to be me?” Her speech was slurring lightly.

He didn’t say anything for a moment, though she felt him sigh lightly into her hair. 

“I respect you Hermione Granger” He said, his voice suddenly tight, “I know I’m late to the whole golden girl party...but I respect you”

It was Hermione’s turn to be silent now. What was she supposed to say? Thank you? Even if she was sober she would struggle to find a response to such an admission from him. 

So she decided she wouldn’t say anything, after all she was tired of making decisions, and she was also beginning to feel as though she was drifting to sleep in his arms. She closed her eyes softly, and he must have felt her body relax. He walked her to the couch and laid her down, once again transfiguring blankets for her and laying one on top of her. 

“Goodnight, Granger” he said softly.

Hermione grabbed his hand before he could walk away and met his eyes. His grey ones stared back at her, as if he was hopeful for something. 

“Stay” she said, though even through the alcohol she could feel herself blush, “we won’t sleep with headaches” She added quickly. 

He nodded, though he didn’t move as if not sure what to do, until he decided to lay down on the opposite couch. 

It wasn’t what she meant but she didn’t argue. 

They fell asleep like that, on opposite couches, both covered in emerald green blankets. They both slept through the night, their sleep void of memories or middle of the night panic attacks.

_____

When Hermione woke, she was alone in the common room. The opposite couch looked as if no one had slept on it, she almost thought she had dreamt the previous night until she saw the a note on the table in front of her

_ Meet me at Hogsmeade at noon, there’s a book shop that may be able to help. Maybe you won’t need to come up with the answer this time, _

_ DM _

Hermione smiled slightly at the note. Though, as soon as she sat up her headache set in once more. She winced as she rose her hand to her forehead. It had gotten worse since yesterday, and she wondered if Draco was experiencing the same pain now. 

Hermione attempted to ignore the ache and got ready to go see Harry. She snickered lightly at the sight of herself in a green jumper. She knew Harry was aware of the change, so she felt no need to hold back. It was her own nonverbal way of saying she didn’t care what anyone thought. 

She looked for Draco as she walked down the hall on her way to Hogsmeade. She told herself she was looking for him to get relief from her aching head, and while a voice in her head continued to tell her it was more than that, she pushed that idea deep deep down. 

_____

  
  


_ Draco sat at the table with his mother. He stared down at his interlocked hands, and he appeared to be shaking slightly. _

_ His mother sat beside him, looking back and forth from Draco and his father. Her hair, usually pinned up to perfection, was beginning to come undone. She radiated anxiety and stress.  _

_ Lucius paced back and forth in front of the table, his eyes had a wild look about them; not as crazy as Bellatrix’s but enough to gain concern from the rest of his family. _

_ “You had no right to promise him to the Dark Lord” Narcissa said through gritted teeth, finally landing her eyes on her husband.  _

_ “I had no choice” Lucius replied, continuing to pace, “It was the boy or my own life” _

_ Draco looked up to his father at this point. His eyes were cold, his jaw clenched.  _

_ “You had a choice father, you have always had a choice” He spat, his words full of anger. His father stopped mid step and turned to his son. _

_ “You will talk to me with respect Draco” He hissed, pointing his wand to his own son and sneering.  _

_ “Or what father?” Draco began, shrugging off the hand his mother had placed on his shoulder in a silent attempt to halt his resistance, “You’ll make another  _ choice _?” _

_ “CRUCIO” Lucius shouted, causing Draco to fall to the floor in agony.  _

_ Narcissa fell to the floor, attempting to pull Draco to her chest though the curse continued to cause him to convulse out of her arms.  _

_ “Lucius enough!” She cried, “This is my boy...my only boy” She cried. _

_ Lucius slowly drew his wand down, watching his son regain his strength, before exiting the room without a word. _

_ _____ _

Hermione fell against the wall to her side attempting to regain her breath. 

The memories were coming unprovoked now, with no emotion to instigate them. It was getting worse.

She took a few moments to regain herself before continuing to Hogsmeade. 

They needed answers and they needed them soon. 

When she arrived at the coffee shop her and Harry had frequented together during their time at Hogwarts, she scanned the room for him. She smiled when she met eyes with him as he sat at a table by the window. She approached him and he stood to give her a tight hug before they both sat down again in their seats.

Harry looked thinner since the war. She knew it was because he had been eating and sleeping less. There were slight bags under his eyes, but they weren’t bad as the last time she saw him before the school year began. She was grateful to see some improvement in him, even if he still looked like he was going through hell; they all were. 

They both ordered their drinks which were quickly set in front of them before either of them said a word.

“Thank you for meeting me,” He told her. She rolled her eyes.

“You didn’t give me much choice”

“Well you Slytherins are all about self preservation. I didn’t want to risk you avoiding me” He joked, meeting her eyes. His words were said lightly, but his eyes looked at her for an explanation. 

She took a sip of her drink in order to give herself a moment to think.

“I asked to be resorted when I returned to Hogwarts” She told him. He nodded slowly, stirring his drink, “I guess it was similar to a mid life crisis if I’m being honest. Things have changed since the war,  _ I’ve  _ changed. I needed people to see that...even more important I needed myself to see that”

“I understand” Harry told her, not breaking eye contact, “I just don’t know why you didn’t tell me. Why did I have to hear it from Ron? Who, by the way, told a very different story”

She rolled her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose as her annoyance at the mention of Ron only agitated her growing headache. 

“You’re right I should have told you, but you know this wouldn’t have been easy to explain” She told him. He gave a short sigh.

“Yes, I suppose you’re right”

They continued to chat about their recent life changes. Hermione told him of her budding friendship (kind of?) with Pansy Parkinson, to which Harry almost choked on his food, her brief flirtation with Theo, and even explaining her interactions with Draco. Of course, she left the snogging out, and the link, and the slow dancing. Okay, she left most of it out besides their partnering in potions.

“Is he being civil?” He asked her, his voice becoming more protective.

“Surprisingly, yes. He’s actually been quite nice” She told him, taking a sip of her coffee to hide her blush from him. 

“Good” Harry said, returning his gaze to his own coffee. Hermione could see Harry struggling with whether to ask her about what they both knew he was wondering. He continuously would open his mouth and close it right away while stirring his coffee anxiously.

“She’s doing fine, Harry” Hermione finally told him. He looked up at her, his eyes softened.

“She’s with Neville now I hear” He replied.

Hermione nodded slowly.

“I think she’d rather have you if I’m being honest...but like I said, the war changed things” 

Harry nodded once more.

“Is she happy?” He finally asked. 

“Is anyone?”

After a few more back and forths about Harry’s work as an auror, hearing about hunting any remaining death eaters from the war, they gave each other one last hug before going their separate ways.

Hermione was surprised to realize that she was glad she went. She had half expected Harry to react similar to Ron, maybe not as angry, but still upset. She couldn’t blame her friends if they were shocked or upset. She had understood Ginny’s hesitation at accepting the change. She had thought the same of Slytherin herself, her more than anyone. Slytherin students were notoriously known for being rich, pure blooded arses. 

She was beginning to find that was not always the case, or maybe it had been the case and what she experienced now were the results of the war.

She stood in front of the coffee shop watching people walk past her and in and out of shops. She admired and despised the people in front of her, walking and talking as if nothing had changed; as if the war hadn’t happened, people hadn’t died, and people weren’t changed for the rest of their lives because of it. She felt changed, she didn’t go a day without thinking of the repercussions of all that had happened. 

Her thoughts began to run wild. She was alone. Alone in public where anyone could be watching her. She began to look over her shoulder as she walked, waiting for danger to strike at any moment. She longed for the walls of Hogwarts to encase her in safety. She felt exposed here. Her breathing became ragged and her vision blurry. The rhythmic feeling of her steps began to overwhelm her as she attempted to focus on just getting to where she needed to go. Where was she going? She couldn’t remember now, it was all too much. Harry had just told her there were still death eaters out there, waiting and watching for a moment to appear. What if they were here? Watching her? She was alone. Alone. 

_____

_ She was running. _

_ She was running but every corner she turned there was another one. Another death eater, attempting to take her life. _

_ Her hair was in her face, sticking to her own sweat. She could hear her heart beating in her ears.  _

_ “Protego!” She shouted as another hex was flung toward her. _

_ I don't want to kill you. I don’t want to kill you. _

_ But they were leaving her with no choice. It was her or them. If she body binded them, they got back up. If she shielded herself, they sent another curse.  _

_ Another hex was thrown towards her. _

_ “Avada kedavra!” She shouted, but her voice lacked meaning behind it. The hex the man had thrown missed her, but he quickly sent another towards her.  _

_ “AVADA KEDAVRA” She shouted this time.  _

_ She didn’t comprehend what happened, it was so quick her own mind couldn’t understand. All she knew was when she regained control of herself, there was a man lying dead in front of her.  _

_ _____ _

She couldn’t breathe. Her chest felt like it was going to explode, as if her panic had taken hold of her body and was begging to somehow escape by any means necessary; and of course, her head continued to pound to the beat of her heart that now echoed throughout her entire body. 

She dodged into an alley behind a small pub and knelt to the ground, clutching her chest as her body attempted to surrender to her paranoia. 

“I’m safe” she said to herself, “I’m safe. I’m safe. I’m safe”

Her words did little to soothe her, though she continued to repeat the phrase as if it did. It gave her comfort to do something, anything, even if her efforts were fruitless. 

Then, in the midst of her panic attack, Draco appeared in the alley. He was struggling to breathe just as she was, clutching his chest as well. 

“Bloody hell, Granger” He told her between breaths, “What is going on?”

Hermione said nothing, her panic beginning to slowly subside and turn into embarrassment instead. She leaned back against the wall of the pub and closed her eyes, feeling her headache begin to recede. Her breathing was still off pace but was beginning to become more stable. 

Draco sat on the ground beside her, she could see the light coating of sweat on his face.

“People are going to think we were up to something naughty back here when they see us” He told her, turning to meet her eyes. They both let out a short chuckle. 

“PTSD isn’t nearly as fun” Hermione joked back. Draco’s smile slowly faded from his face as they continued to look at one another.

“You’re safe” He whispered to her. He placed his fingers on top of hers, not holding them, just allowing them to rest on top of hers. She gave him a small smile.

She will never be safe, she thought, there would always be people lurking in the shadows wanting to get one of the golden trio. 

She took her hand away from Draco’s and began to stand up, brushing the dirt from her clothes. 

“You said there was a bookstore we needed to look at?” She asked him. Draco stood quickly, gaining back all his Slytherin composure back and appearing so collected no one would guess he had just been overwhelmed with panic. Hermione wondered if he had a similar attack before. 

“Yes,” He replied, smoothing his hair back with one hand, “this way”

Hermione followed him out of the alley. They walked side by side, their shoulders occasionally brushing one another. She told herself she didn’t feel the electricity that seemed to course through her every time their bodies touched. This was Malfoy. Even if he appeared to be kind she could not allow him to fascinate her. She could not stay up wondering how he had come to regret his decisions, when he had decided his father was an idiot, and if his mother had chosen the same path of attempted redemption.

“My mother used to take me here” Draco said, interrupting her thoughts as they stopped in front of a small store Hermione had never noticed before. The store was hidden slightly behind a larger one beside it. It had chestnut colored walls and looked slightly run down, but in a charming way.

Hermione gazed at Draco, surprised.

“I would have thought you’d have shopped somewhere more...prestigious” She told him, smirking slightly. 

“Well I’m all about defying your expectations lately, Granger” He told her, tugging on one of her curls before stepping towards the door way of the store and holding the door open for her. 

She knew the old Draco would have snapped at her comment, challenged her. 

She told herself his kindness meant nothing. A means to an end that would assist them in breaking this connection they had.

She entered the store and he followed behind her. He silently led her to the back of the store, but Hermione didn’t miss the small nod he gave the clerk at the register and the friendly smile he received back. 

“How long have you been coming here?” Hermione asked him when they arrived in the back of the store, surrounded by books to the ceiling. 

Draco shrugged.

“Since I can remember. Mother would take me here when father was....away. We would just sort through the stacks. She’d let me buy as many books as my arms could carry” 

Hermione nodded, attempting to hide her smile at the thought of a young Draco with books tumbling out of his arms. 

“I bet if you were resorted you’d be put into Ravenclaw” Hermione told him. Draco smiled at the thought.

“And not be the scandalous death eater Slytherin? Sounds quite boring” He smirked.

“Oh Draco, you’d be scandalous no matter where they sorted you”

He took a step closer to her, both of them smiling as if they were used to friendly and teasing conversations in the back of book stores. 

“You’re different than I thought you were, Granger” He told her, his face becoming more serious. Hermione chuckled.

“What, not a giant swot anymore?”

Draco rolled his eyes in response.

“We both know you’re still a swot, you’re just better at hiding it this year” He said, earning a sharp look from her, but before she could turn away he grabbed her hand in his and she turned back to look at him, “I’ve enjoyed your company” he whispered.

He didn’t look away from her eyes, and she felt as though hers were glued on to his and she couldn’t dare look away. She could see his body inching closer slowly, and she tore her gaze from his eyes and looked down at his lips. 

Before they took another bated breath, Neville’s patronus appeared between them in a wisp of blue light.

“ _ Hermione, the willow is wilting and it refuses to let me attempt to save it. I was sent to the infirmary after it attacked me for trying to fertilize it. Please help” _

The blue light disappeared after the message was delivered, leaving her and Draco staring at one another.

“Do all you bloody Gryffindors enjoy flaunting your patronuses?” He asked annoyed and Hermione grabbed her bag behind her and slipped it over her shoulder. 

“I have to go” She told him.

“I’ll go with you” He told her, beginning to make his way out, “Granger, don’t look at me like that. Grodric knows you’ll have another fit in an alley and I’ll end up doubled over myself if you go alone”

Hermione surrendered the argument she had planned to present and allowed him to follow her on her mission to save her Herbology grade. 

When they arrived in the empty classroom, Hermione gasped at the sight of the Whomping Willow. It’s trunk now had a grey hue to it and the branches were struggling to hold themselves up. She quickly made her way to where it sat and began to measure out fertilizer. 

“Is that blood?” Draco asked, disgusted, pointing a few inches away from Hermione’s elbow. 

“Yes,” She began, ready to warn him of the imprinting nature of the tree, “and if you attempt to touch it there will surely be more-”

She stopped mid sentence when she looked up and saw Draco stroking the tree branches. The tree didn’t pull away, attack, or attempt to whip him. It sat there and allowed the blonde to continue.

“It likes you” She said, surprised. 

“It likes us” Draco corrected her.

She began to drop the prepared fertilizer into the pot.

“Do you think this has to do with the link? Professor Sprout said the trees only bond with one person” She explained, the tree beginning to regain color now that it was fertilized.

“Possibly,” Draco began, “If that was the case I would think the link was more than what we initially thought...not just memories, but our own beings”

Hermione’s heart skipped a beat at the idea. The memories were enough for her to handle, but sharing her own self with Draco? Her own being? She wouldn’t want to do that with anyone.

“We need to tell McGonagall” She pleaded with him. He met her eyes, she could see the annoyance within them but she also knew he wasn’t dull and knew it was necessary. 

“Tomorrow” He told her.

“Tomorrow “ She agreed. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! please let me know what you think below! This story continues to go places I didn't expect and it's such fun to write. I will likely be updating only once a week but chapters will be longer (and better??) Also, follow me on AO3 as I have many more fic ideas I plan to tackle after this story :)


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